YUKI. SECOND CHANCE

Afresh .

2011-04-29T01:11:00.002+08:00

Caving in .

It's been so long since I last blogged .
Things have changed so much ,
and again , I'm back to singledom .
He is gone , but our memories will stay with me forever .
1 year 8 months , and everything just ended on the eve of Easter .

And our ending was not in our hands ,
but ignited by friends .
The irony of our relationship ,
it never really seems to belong to just the both of us .

It still hurts ,
looking at him , but knowing that's all we can ever be ,
looking at him from afar , hoping things will go well for him .
It still hurts travelling around , looking out ,
and remembering all the things we've been through .
It's like I see us walking down the street hand in hand not so long ago ,
and now , I'm walking with friends ,
trying my best to be my strongest .

I feel so tired of laughing and smiling , when tears are really trying to roll .
I feel so tired of pretending just so he can move on happily .
I feel so tired of convincing myself I'm strong ..
But , still I convinced myself that ,
he is happier this way ,
and I shall be happier for him this way too .

But ,
now , I turn myself to my dreams ,
and that is all that really matters now that he is gone .
I see my dreams raining down on me , like a blizzard .
It won't be long , before all I see is tomorrow ,
and all that I cry for is that happy tears I've waited so long to shed .
For now , I just pray , for me , for strength ,
and , for you .

I can't continue saying on ,
cause I'm so tired of pretending to be fine .
Maybe when I'm feeling stronger ,
I'll tell the world , my happy side of life back alone .
When I know , I'm strong enough even alone at night .
I will be , really soon .

LOVES ;
YUKI .

Living A Dream .

2010-11-21T23:40:00.005+08:00

Time I Should Wake Up .

You told me you love me ,
then you ask me to change ,
you said I'm childish , and so is our relationship ,
then I said "then let me go ." ,
but all you could say is "I love you , and I'll never let you go , cause you belong to me ."

If under a different situation ,
I would actually feel touched , feel in love ...
Tonight , I don't ,
I don't anymore .
You want back your freedom ,
you'll have it ...

You want a mature relationship ,
you'll have it too .
Just make sure you know what you want .
I don't wanna pretend like it doesnt hurt me ,
I don't wanna pretend like I'm fine anymore ,
I don't wanna pretend we still have love ...
Cause it's not gonna be the same again .

From this minute onwards ,
everything is different .

I used to think ,
as long as you feel happy in a relationship , nothing else really matters .
No , I was wrong .
Maybe he is kinda right ,
I'm not mature enough , I can't handle a relationship right now .

I guess I'm so much better being a loner .
Humans are just so weird ,
we try to get something we cant , only to realise ,
we're perfect just where we were .
And amidst all that trying and fighting for something that doesn't belong to us ,
we lose who we really were meant to be ,
and when we stop to take a breather ,
we find ourself drifting in the middle of a big wide ocean ,
with no home , and no end .

I lost myself to the world , to be someone I thought I could be ,
but just not someone I should be .
When all the time ,
my world actually existed in my words in the form of text ,
and my words expresses my silence that protects me .

There really was never such a thing as best of both worlds .
We humans always love to hope , and believe ...
Which is supposed to be something good ,
just that , we rely too much on hoping and believing ,
we don't realise it's not gonna come through if we don't put in everything we've got .

You see , I've been living in a dream ,
it's time I should wake up , and end this ridiculous cycle .
I'm tearing myself up because I lost myself to the world , because of myself .
Yes , we need company ,
but sometimes , there are certain people out there who don't .
They work , live , smile , so much better when their alone ,
well , that's me .
It's not perfect being alone ,
I admit ..
But it's the closest to perfection of the two ,
being alone , or something like .. now .

All I could do now ,
is like how I would in the past ,
indulge myself in taiwan fahrenheit drama shows ...
So I wouldn't feel lonely .

What he said , and what happened today , and what I found out today ...
is beyond comprehension far way beyond me as well .
So I've decided , the tears I shed today ,
changes everything .

Everything I'm Not - The Veronicas .
Oh no
Don't go changing
That's what you told me from the start
Thought you where something different
That's when it all just fell apart
Like you're so perfect
And I can't measure up
Well I'm not perfect
Just all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

It's not like I need somebody
Telling me where I should go at night
Don't worry you'll find somebody
Someone to tell how to live their life
Cause your so perfect
And no one measures up
Yeah all by yourself
You're all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

Now wait a minute
Because of you
I never knew all the things that I had
Hey don't u get it
I'm not going anywhere with you tonight
Cause this is my life

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
she was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

LOVES;
YUKI .

The 2 Monkeys .

2010-08-11T00:46:00.002+08:00

Your power .

Today, I finally received my 1st and 2nd plush toy from Baby during our 1 year 2weeks!
I'm so happy man!!!
The day before, my handphone took a free-fall trip to the ground.
So I was supposed to go to Orchard to fix my LCD screen on my Satio phone.
However, I didn't manage to go cause Baby was feeling unwell, and I was lazy.
Thats why, the both of us decided we wont go today but would go tomorrow instead.

We decided to go and take a walk in West Coast Plaza since it was burning hot outside.
We crossed the overhead bridge and Baby made a random remark about wanting to go to Comic Realm to play some games.
So we just went in.
Baby wanted to play KOF at first,
but he saw me looking at the stuffed toys in the UFO catcher machine.
And asked me if I wanted one. And I said yes.
So instead of changing the $1 into two $0.50. He used the $1 to catch my first plushed toy.
A DORAEMON! :DDD

After catching the Doraemon ,
Baby decided he wanted to go toilet.
After going toilet, I told Baby I wanted to go catch again.
So Baby went up with me to play the UFO catcher again.
I told Baby I wanted to catch the monkey,
so Baby caught a monkey for me!
Baby then went on to play KOF after seeing that I'm happy about the monkey. :D
I went on to catch a monkey for Baby!

I really love my Doraemon and 2 Monkeys!
Baby loves Monkeys, and now, Baby has one Monkey, and I have one! :D
So now, Baby and I can always look at our Monkeys whenever we miss each other! :D
Sadly I cant take a picture now cause my handphone is gone case.. :(
Well anyways, I'm actually quite happy today about this...
But still very much upset about something else...
Hais.

LOVES;
YUKI.<3

Running Into Walls .

2010-07-25T02:43:00.002+08:00

I Thought I Knew Better ,
But Who knew ...

My first post using my notebook. :D
Yes, that's right,
I'm happy to say I've FINALLY got my OWN Netbook/Notebook! :D
Oh, by the way,
I've got my dream Satio too! :D

Okies, so whatever...
I haven't been a diligent blogger,
and for that, I offer my sincere apologies.
I guess things never really changed.
I can't say that things have gotten better,
nor can I say it has gotten worser.

I too wish I could actually give you a definite answer of how my life has been lately,
but I can't even answer myself.
Have you ever felt you've grown so very tired of telling everyone you're unhappy or happy?
Or even if it's just sharing your woes and joys?
Well, truth be told,
that's how I feel right now.

Or I think I feel...=.=
I can't seem to remember the last time since I really, REALLY felt anything..
Other then pain, sadness, tiredness, anger, hatred, and lost of all good hopes and will.
I've grown tired of feeling that way,
and even more tired of trying to achieve happiness which seems to me like..
FOREVER to achieve.

I don't really recall anything special to talk about in my life after my sudden disappearance from this blog,
other then...
Well, I don't know...
To me, I can easily admit at any one point of time that things are getting worser,
and it would ALWAYS be the easier way out...

But this time round,
I'll just see who are my true friends and who arent..
Who is able to see the smile on my face and yet still know when I'm hurting inside.
Apparently, now...
No one is proving to be my true friend.
This is not disappointing though..
Don't ask me why, cause I have no idea why it doesnt disappoint me.

I could say comparing this year to the previous year,
in terms of school and classmates,
this year is MUCH, MUCH BETTER!
I mean like a million, billion, zillion, kazillion times better.
But, now, I'm guessing it makes not much of a difference,
and I expected it.
I still CAN'T find my place...
I don't feel like I'm very much accepted..

In terms of the guys I slack with since last year..
Well let's say,
ever since... I can't remember when,
I even hate mentioning or hearing the name of some of them,
not to say see them everyday,
and face their nonsense.
Which, I could say is... Uhm..
Very bad???

My studies compared to last year..
Well, it's hard to say when I'm no longer in a Government school,
nor am I taking subject based studies..
Comparison is hard to achieve...
But I would say, I think this year would be better since I actually do have interest in my course.
And I don't repel EVERYTHING that is thrown at me...=.= Hahahas.

Health, and Family...?
Hmm, this one..
I can't say yet..
Cause for Family, it's the usual common rollercoaster.
Up and down we go non-stop.=.=
Health, also the expected deteoriating health thingy thingy,
which I've learnt and came to stop caring about anymore,
since I've more or less gotten used to getting more stupid life threatening manifestations.

My relationship?
I'm still with my baby, Jeevan..
Another one more day, and it'll be me and his 1 year.
I don't know what to say about this either...
It's...
Really complicated.
But, we still love each other...
And that doesnt mean we're gonna end just yet...
Just that there are many things going on recently,
that caused kinda... I mean alot of problems..
So, we're in love, and together,
but it's somehow complicated , for me.

Now, I know my this post is SERIOUSLY hell sloppish work.
I'm a walking zombie for now,
I can't bring out the strength to make myself seem like I can give you those good english,
and well detailed and interesting post.
Maybe just wait awhile more...
But I'm not sure how long you'll need to wait...
Cause I've been like this since...
Uhm, maybe 4 months back??
Or WAY WAY back...=.=
Urgh, whatever it is.
I'll get back to my normal self soon,
and write a PROPER post with PROPER RT english.

LOVES;
YUKI .

For you all .

2010-07-11T04:49:00.007+08:00

I've Had Enough ..

I love you ,
like I've always did ... and always do .
But if you love me ,
then stand up for me ,
help me out here .
I'm crumbling , baby ...
I'm tired and stress .

I treat you as my friend ,
so please stop jumping to conclusions ,
and causing my life to turn upside down cause of your one sentence .
You have THOROUGHLY misunderstood me about me wanting to sebok ,
and you also sebok into my life about who I'm talking about ,
and ending up jumping to WRONG conclusions and causing UNNECESSARY trouble .

And just to clear misunderstandings now ,
I wasn't talking about you or her ...
So please don't anyhow say I sebok ...
I not interested .
As long as you and my mei stay happy , I also happy .
I sebok got what use ?
I got more then enough of my own problems to settle .
So I hope that next time before you all anyhow jump to conclusion ,
think through first ...
And try to find the link first ...

To KYB,
whoever you are , and whatever you want to say ...
It's not my problem .
Cause I got a CLEAR CONSCIENCE .
I don't need to entertain this kind of childish acts as to scold someone on their blog tagbox .
I know I didn't say , means I didn't say .
Whoever you are , and whatever problem you have ...
I know I didn't do anything .
I have a rough idea who you are already ...
But I don't care ...
It's up to you to think what you want ,
a clear conscience beats above all else .

Sometimes ,
I wish I knew what's the truth ,
and what are the lies ...
I am feeling so tired trying to hold up and keep my guard to ensure those rumors don't come true .
I feel so tired ...

I feel so tired of quarreling with my family ,
so tired of them looking down on me ,
thinking that my bro is forever better then me in everything ...
I hate it when I've been trying so hard for so many years ,
and to them ,
I'll FOREVER be number 2 ...

I hate it when I can't meet my own expectations in my studies ,
I hate it when I can't prove my ex-classmates and ex-teachers wrong about me .
I still feel the pressure of wanting to make them pay for the scar they left for me in my life ...
I still feel the terrible after-effects of my Secondary school life .
I still feel the occasional fear of humans ...

I feel like breaking down so bad ...
I want him to care ,
I want him to protect me , stand up for me , be there for me .
Is it really that hard ??
I just want him to prove to me he really does love me and only me ,
and those rumors will FOREVER STAY RUMORS ...
I really hope that's the case ...
But the next moment ...
Hais .

Someone tell me how to stop all these pain ??
It's killing me inside out ...

LOVES ;
YUKI .

Everyone is leaving me REALLY deep scars ..
Especially you .

最终最爱的还是你。
btym .

One Thing To Say .

2010-07-09T03:13:00.002+08:00

One Thing To Say After Reading My Posts About Us In The Past ...

I've really loved you a lot .
I've really treated you as my everything .
I've really hoped that you'll never leave me .
I've really prayed that we'll last till we grow old together .

I've really believed in your love towards me .
I've really withstand anything thrown at me about our relationship .
I've really gone through A LOT with you ..
I've really , really ... Loved you and believed you love me .
I've really believed and really thought that it was gonna be just ...
You and me , now and always .

And when I feel the pain inside me ,
I know ...
I still love you like how I've always do ..
But now , I'm not sure if I believe if you really love me ..

Why do you do this so easily ?...

Baby , I love you .

LOVES ;
YUKI .

Nelson tagged me in FB !

2010-06-16T03:32:00.002+08:00

QUIZZZZZ TIME AGAIN . :DDD
PSPS : I just got this off FB , I'm doing cause I want to keep my mind off stuff . :(

Do you remember who you liked in August?
Yup . He's still my boyf .

If the internet was not available right now, what would you do instead?
Continue reading my books , LIKE DUH !

Would you consider your parents to be strict?
Soso . They've got the parent's lenient time , and the parent's doomday time .

Do you know a guy named David?
This is like a SOOOO trick qn . THE SONG WHO'S DAVID !
But , I'm not that girl . & Yes , I know a David . =.=

What is better: cute smile, or amazing eyes?
Is this suppose to matter ?
My boyf has both , so I've got both , I don't need to choose .=.=

What day of the week does your birthday fall on this year?
I forgot . I never really cared about my b'day ..
But my day of the week of my b'day is the same day of the week for my boyf every year .

What if the last person who texted you told you they had feelings for you?
The last person who texted me IS my boyf ?! OMGGGG !

Think back to this time last year, were you happy?
Yah , hell happy when we were in a clique , and my boyf and I were cheesy buddies . :D

Worst moment of 2010 so far?
Every part , excluding having such a wonderful class , wonderful classmates ,
wonderful friends , and wonderful siblings ! :DDD
Best thing yet so far this year !

Can you count on one person that will always be there for you?
I've got more then one , MY SIBLINGS in school ! :DDD
My best friend TXF ,
and my boyf , I think .

What color was the last vehicle you were in?
I think brown or white ??
Ilham's Mum drove us in the van back home from the Sub court .

Do you have trust issues?
SUPER BIG ISSUE !
I swear it kills the shit outta me !

Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
I've no idea ...
Maybe BTYM's last ...
Hurt the most .

Who is making you mad right now?
Myself . :'(((

Are you afraid to tell your true feelings?
No ... HELL NO !
I swear I love to show my true feelings ,
that is even if anybody gives a shit .=.=

Has anything happened to you in the past month that made you really mad?
Yes , but I believe it's highly confidential ,
and sharing it out on a quiz ..
Well , that's gonna violate my own privacy laws . Teehee .

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?
HAHAHAS ,
Ask the world !! :DD

What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
LOLS , what a retarded qn .
Depends who .
If it's my boyf , I'll smile back cheekily , and smack the shit back out of his butt .
If it's my bff , I'll just run after her for a fake cat-fight .
So on and so for .

Do you ever keep arguing when you know you’re wrong?
Hell no , I'll just STFU and let the person slice my skin off .
One must learn to always face the music and be brave .
Be responsible for one's own actions .
My principles .

Are you afraid to stay home all alone?
HELL NOOOOOOO !
I would love that to happen man !!! :DDD

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life?
I have nooooo idea .. HMMM ...
Hope I did ,
and pray I will . :D

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Uh , DUH ?
If not ,
why would a sentece such as 'Cause and Effect' exist man ?

What is the last thing you laughed really hard over?
I don't remember ...
It was many , many years ago ...

__________________________

__________________________________________

Write the names of 21 friends you can think off the top of your head, and then answer the questions. Say you’re guessing if you don’t know, but at least guess on all of them. After doing this, tag your 21 friends to do the same.

1) TXF
2) AZMI
3) KELLY
4) JOSH
5) HUISHAN
6) DESMOND
7) JIAYING
8) JOUCHYUAN
9) NICHOLAS
10) HONTAT
11) SIQI
12) ANTHONY
13) SHAH
14) KEVIN
15) HELENE
16) HISHAM
17) HENNA
18) PAM
19) TERESA
20) BARRY
21) KEVIN

*How did you meet 7? JIAYING
Primary school , same class in one of those years . P3 if I'm not wrong .

*What would you do if you had never met 15? HELENE
I would have been more then just plain miserable at STREET 1 now .
She's a joy to have as a younger sister ! :D

*What would you do if 20 and 1 dated? BARRY , TXF
This is daringly a kill !
This will never happen in a million kezillion years ! :DDD
Not my bff/sworn sister's type ,
neither my brother's type ! =.=

*Have you ever seen 17 cry? HENNA
Yes , I think soo . BUT I don't ever want her to cryyyyy again !!!

*Would 4 and 16 make a good couple? HISHAM , JOSH
OMGGGGGGG ,
WHAT A JOKE !

*Do you want to be 13′s friend forever? Glenvicia
UHM ...
DUHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!! (Like biggest DUH in the century !)
He's also one of my closest bro manz !

*Do you think 11 is attractive? SIQI
YEAH !~ She's my cuzzz yo !

*What’s 5’s favorite color? HUISHAN
REGRETFULLY ,
I'm not quite sure ... :'((((((((

*When was the last time you talked to 9? NICHOLAS
Long , long , long time ago ...
Ok , maybe not that long ....
But still long ... =.=

*What language does 8 speak? JOUCHYUAN
English , and partial Jap .

*Who is 13 going out with? SHAH
Okies , what a coincidence ! PERRRRRFECT QN !!!
HENNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ! :DDD

*What grade is 16 in? HISHAM
NO GRADE ! :DDD
We're taking our private DIPS ,
first year ! :D

*Would you ever date 17? HENNA
NO !
I don't wanna steal my bro's wife ,
and les with my sister ! :DDD

*Where does 18 live? PAM
Somewhere in Woodlands I think ,
if I did not remember wrongly .

*What is the best thing about 4? JOSH
I know he will take SUPER good care of my bestie in school ... Kelly ! :DDD

*What would you like to tell 10 right now? HONTAT
EGGGGGGG TARTTTTTTTT , LET'S GO BACK QIFA TGT ! ~~

*What is the best thing about 20? BARRY
The wisest among all of us ...
The friend / brother who will always be able to come out with the wisest decision !!!

*Have you ever kissed 2? AZMI
HUH ?

*What’s the best memory you have of 5? HUISHAN
She changed my life in SEC sch .
At least , she made sure it wasn't as bad as it could have been .
She is truly a real friend inded !

*When’s the next time you’re going to see 4? JOSH
IDK , I don't think we would ever meet ! LOLS !

*How is 7 different from 6? JIAYING , DESMOND
OH , WOW , where do you want me to start ?!?!?!

*Is 2 pretty? AZMI
I don't think 'pretty' is the correct word to use ... =.=

*What was your first impression of 15? HELENE
A SUPER SUPER DUPER SWEET GIRL !!!

*How did you meet 3? KELLY
In our current school ... MDIS .
Same course , same class ! :DDD

*Is 15 your best friend? HELENE
Sort of , more of my darling younger sister ! :DDD

*Do you hate 12? ANTHONY
NO?!
WE LOVE PUNK !!!
AND I LOVE ANTS THAT RIDE ON PONY !! :DDD

*Have you seen 18 in the last month? PAM
DUUH , We got to the same school ??? =.=
And I'll be sad like now if I didn't see her !! :'(

*When was the last time you saw 16? HISHAM
Last month I think ...
Cant really remember ...
I don't want to remember when was the last time I saw him ,
I'll look forward to the next time I see my bro ! :DDD

*Have you been to 5’s house? HUISHAN
Nopeeeeee !

*When’s the next time you’ll see 10? HONTAT
IDK , most prob during teacher's day this year when we go back to QIFA .

*Are you close to 11? SIQI
LOLS , DUH ! WE'RE COUSINS ! :DDD

*Have you been to the movies with 4? JOSH
HELL NO , AND NEVER WILL !
No offense .
But I'm taken , and so is he .

*Have you gotten in trouble with 8? JOUCHYUAN
NOOO ?

*Would you give 19 a hug? TERESA
YAH !!! I WOULD GIVE HER A KISS TOO !!! :DDD

*When have you lied to 3? KELLY
NO ! We share ALL our secrets ! :DDD
And I'll never lie to my triplet !

*Is 11 good at socializing? SIQI
I'm not sooo sure .. O.o

*Do you know a secret about 8? JOUCHYUAN
O.O IDK , NOT SURE .

*Describe the relationship between 12 and 18. ANTHONY , PAM
Same class , and really close friends .

*What’s the best thing about your friendship with 9? NICHOLAS
He was my "Partner" the whole year when I was in sec 4 .
He helped me really alot !

*What’s the worst thing about 6? DESMOND
Uh , HE IS MY BASTARD BUDDY ??
What else do you need to say ,
he is good in his worst way ! :DDD

*Have you ever had a crush on 12? ANTHONY
HELL NO !

*How long have you known 2? AZMI
Coming to a year if I'm not wrong ...
Not , a year plus !

*Have you ever been in a fight with 13? SHAH
Nopeeee..
& it will NEVER happen !

*Does 11 have a bf/gf? SIQI
I don't think so ...
I doubt so ... =.=

*Have you ever wanted to punch 1 in the face? TXF
HELL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!

*Has 21 met your mother? KEVIN
Nope , DUH !
Why would he meet my mum ??

*How did you meet 11? SIQI
GOD , WE'RE COUSINS !!!!

*Did you ever accidentally physically hurt 3? KELLY
I hope I didnt , and never have ...

*Do you live close to 7? JIAYING
Kinda close .

*What’s 8′s favourite food? JOUCHYUAN
I am not quite sure ...

*What kind of car does 1 have? TXF
She wouldnt be driving before me ...

*Have you traveled anywhere with 9? NICHOLAS
Yah , our Sec sch enrichment programe .

*If you gave 14 $100, what would they spend it on? KEVIN
On singing , or something like that !!!!

LOVES;
YUKI .

Post of INTENSE ANGER !

2010-05-14T23:48:00.003+08:00

UTTER DISGRACE TO BOTH SEXES .

I think some people thinks that my mentality and brain growth is that of a 3 year old .
It's so highly disturbing and demeaning . =.=
I've always hated insecurity .
But for some reason or rather ,
I seem to be leaving in a world with MORE than enough insecurity to go around . =.=

Some girls in this world SERIOUSLY gotta stop embarrasing other girl's face !
Stop being so bloody despo , get a guy who is NOT ATTACHED !
Some guys in this world SERIOUSLY also gotta stop being such players !
Stop tryin' to fool around and lie behind your Girlf's back .
Girlf maybe be blinded by love (heart), but their brains are not !

OMGGGGGGG !
I swear you , boy , seriously gotta shut the fuck up !
I meant your dick !!!
STOP LETTING YOUR FUCKING DICK DO THE FUCKING TALKING ALL THE TIME !
If I can't go out to the beach with guys and you not around ,
YOU CAN DREAM ABOUT GOING TO THE BEACH WITH GIRLS ALONG, AND ME NOT AROUND ,
AND DONT THINK YOU CAN KEEP IT FROM ME !
I'M NOT FUCKING BORN YESTERDAY !

Unless you're capable of keeping a lie under wraps , then try ...
IF NOT , DONT FUCKING TRY !
If I didn't find out from Oliver and Shahib today that you were going to sentosa on sunday ,
I BET YOU WOULD HAVE WENT .
Cause you just didnt want to let me know ...
Confirm give me some cock reason what go to work what shit .
I'm not stupid , please .
Last time say you work there got no girls , now I bet you think I was a K1 girl right ?!

Once I found out ,
you told me you werent going .
I smiled along cause I was thinkin' ...
"WOAH ! My boyf actually believes I'm that FUCKING STUPID !"
GOD FUCK ,
HOW FUCKING RETARDED AND HOW FUCKING PLAYER CAN YOU GET !

HOW MUCH MORE CAN YOU CHANGE ?!
HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU
WANT TO LET YOUR DICK DO THE THINKING AND TALKING !
HOW MUCH MORE SHAMELESS AND IRRITATING CAN YOU GET !
WHY CANT YOU JUST LOVE AND SERIOUSLY LOVE A GIRL !

HOW FUCKING SHAMELESS CAN SOME GIRLS IN THE WORLD GET !!!!
FUCK THIS WORLD .
HELL TO ALL THE SHAMELSS , PLAYER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD !

FUCKING BITCHES AND DICKHEADS . URGHHHHHHHH !!!!!!

LOVES;
YUKI .

But why ,
Why do I still love you so much ....
If you love me too ,
can you just prove it ...
And really mean it .

Stop making me feel like I'm your nothing .
Like I'm nothing but a slut in your eyes ..
Stop making me feel so used by you ...
Make me feel like you really treasure me ,
and please pamper me sometimes ...

I'm a girl , I need occasional presents ,
LOADS of care , concern , and support ...
Most importantly ...
I need CRAZYLOAD of showering of love .
Please , I'm seriously begging you already .

T . I . G .

2010-05-01T01:44:00.005+08:00

You Seriously Need A Wake Up Call .
Love that needs you to do everything you can to keep the person you love
interested in you and only you
when you're already together for so long is not Love .
Love that needs you to try and convince yourself for 3 hours to believe the person you love
over one simple thing
is DEFINITELY not love .

It's called one-sided fucking STUPID love .
Love you know you can totally let go off .
If the person you love cant give you security ,
cant ensure that your trust is there ,
and tortures you emotionally and mentally ,
is and never will be called true love .

Love that doesn't make you feel like the luckiest person on earth all the time ,
that doesn't make your heart skip a beat ,
that doesn't make you go begging and wanting more ,
I swear is not love .
If that so called love doesn't have both side of the relationship giving their everything ,
and considering about the other side's emotion and feeling ...
It's not worth staying another second .

And ...
If there is more then just what I mentioned above ...
I swear , you're nothing but the dog to the person you love ...
So you my as well just pack up and leave .

But ...
Everything is easier said then done ...

I'm so fucking confused right now !!!
Someone kill the fuck outta me !
I swear , I fucking God Damned swear that I seriously have had ENOUGH !
I'm SERIOUSLY damn fucking tired of all this crap and shit ! :'(
FML .

LOVES;
YUKI .

Sometimes I hope that love could leave my heart and mind alone for just awhile .
Just let it be alone for JUST AWHILE .
It needs a rest from all this troubles that seems to ALWAYS come in a package with Love. =.=

Trust is like glass . Once broken , no matter how hard you try to mend it back perfectly , the lines and "scars" will stay on forever . Nothing can cover up the fact that it has once been broken and can never be the same .

believe .

2010-03-29T04:22:00.003+08:00

I hope my tomorrow never comes again .

Writing this post,
is like killing myself.
To even raise a finger on the keyboard is piercing through my heart .
Maybe believing all these while was what keeps killing me.
Maybe believing too much is why I always stay and watch,
and get myself hurt more then I should have been.

Maybe I knew that no one was ever going to support me..
Or maybe God already knew how tired I am of living in this world,
so now, he is prepared to take me away slowly, bit by bit.
Or maybe God wants to bring me to another place where I can finally lead another life.
But why can't I just STOP believing?

I've always kept believing that my life on earth was meant for me to accomplish something,
if not God wouldn't be so cruel to torture me this way.
So I keep pushing on and on...
Till I realise... actually God was playing a prank on me.
I was never meant for anything.

I've been silly enough to think that my life would become happier
if I used my sadness in exchange for everyone's happiness.
I thought, I believed I would become happy..
1 year passes by, then another, and another...
In the end... 17 years went by with me never really enjoying a year...

I know I said a lot of "I(s)" in this post,
but really, my life really never was my life...
I've been crying for 17 years,
and every passing year, I believed the next year I would be able to finally laugh for a month.
But that believe never came...
And now, I believe, and I know my only happiness will come from the relieve of ending this life.

I'm REALLY, REALLY getting very tired of my life.
I'm sick and tired of it.
I can't hold out anymore.
I believed this and believed that... but nothing ever came, nothing ever happened.
And now, even after leaving hell-forsaken school,
and facing 4 years in that fucked up school alone,
now I have to face my 5th year of challenges alone.

I'm tired, I really am.
Who was there for me when I silently cried from all the pain and misunderstandings?
Who is going to be there for me to support me in my fight?
And now, who is here for me when I finally coughed out blood?
I've always believed in this and that.
I've always tried to be positive about my obviously pathetic life.
But, I don't see any of my believes coming through...

In the end,
all I really have left are short memories of my past to keep me company..
I wish I'm not Rt.
I wish I forgot everything in my 17 years of life.
I wish I can start life without knowing I had been through so much in my downright pathetic life.
I don't mind living a life with a dying health..
As long as I'm no longer RT, I really don't mind.
But the best, would be to totally relieve myself from everything...
And that is for God to just take me away..

The only ones who came and tell me that they are willing to listen to my troubles are my primary school friends.
This just proves to me that my memories aren't fake.. It's real..
I've really once led a life I actually could do what I loved,
have loving friends who would support me without any doubts,
a health that allowed me to live my life to the fullest,
enjoyed whatever I loved.

But when they ask me...
"Rt, tell us what is troubling you...
We don't mind listening to stories.."
I could only tell them...
"I don't even know where this story started from..
Besides, even if I knew... No words could describe this story."

In my mind...
I knew it was a story about my life..
my wasted 17 years of life.
In my heart,
I can only keep asking...
where was the promised happiness I gave to myself to keep myself strong throughout the years?
Did I also ended up lying to myself?...

Maybe the only relieving thing about staying alive now,
is that the moon has not abandoned me yet.
Again tonight,
as if it knew beforehand that tonight I would end up like this,
it was already shining through my windows, on me.

Maybe I've never told anyone before.
But without fail,
everytime I'm at my breaking point, or I've met a serious challenge in life,
the moon will definitely be at it's brightest, with no clouds covering it,
shining in through my window and exactly where I am,
so I would end up moon-bathing in it's "warmth".

It's the only thing that is there for me when I'm all alone..
And now, I pray, that it'll take me away with it...
I don't want to see tomorrow, ever again.
I've said I'm tired many, many times in life...
But this time.. I'm really tired of life..

五月天 – 你不是真正的快乐

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了
你静静忍着紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
这世界笑了于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了然后才后悔着
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了
你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着

Loves;
YUKI .

Priceless Memories .

2010-03-26T14:43:00.005+08:00

Your world becomes what it is today because you've lived your past before .

I would give my whole entire life ahead just to live life from the start all over again.
It doesn't need to change.
Nothing needs to change.
Just reliving everything would be a dream come true.
It's not a sin,
it's not a crime.

Past...
It's love,
it's who you are, what you've become.
I know asking "what if..." isn't going to change anything.
I know missing the past and hoping to go back into the past isn't a good thing to do.
But when life stops right there,
the only way to go,
is look back.

When my life stood still by the sidelines for the past few days,
or rather months.
I let my mind, heart and soul return to where I came from.
It was the only place I could go.
Life now is a wreck,
and I've got so much to handle till I've lost track of what to do to handle everything.

Life really was and has always been a cruel joke to everyone.
It was something never meant to be understood and spoken of.
But we were too smart for our own good.
Life, killed us.
We, killed life.

My heart bleeds,
and even now, the things I used to do,
the people I used to hang out with to find peace in my life,
are becoming obsolete.
Maybe I should already have seen this coming.
But I really wasn't prepared for it.

People have come to a stop at trying to understand me properly,
for what kind of person I am,
what they mean to me,
and how I really treat them.
It's so painful to see people who mean so much to you leave you,
just because of their own thinking.

It kills me to see the people come and go,
misunderstanding me, and never really bothering to go clear it...
And I can only watch as they pack their stuff, and take a leave from my life.
It's not a good sight for me to just sit by and watch.
I feel my world collapsing in on me,
I'm starting to find breathing so much more difficult.

I just want to find respite for a moment.
If life is going to continue throwing all it's torture tools on me,
I just need a moment of respite,
a moment where I can just reminsce in all the gracious past where I lived.
I know I don't make much sense at all,
but when you live my life,
you'll finally understand that my life isn't just about living at that moment,
or living for the future...
It's living because I've lived in the past.

I'm simple.
I'm a 17 year old girl.
I'm born on 1993, March 23rd,
on this rather interesting country which calls this small island, home.
My family consists of my Dad, my Mum, my elder brother by 3 years, and my grandma.
My parents moved from Bedok Reservoir when I was at my early age of 5 to Clementi,
due to some major family financial crisis.

Now,
I live an average life with a somehow a bit below average income.
Attending a private school, MDIS - to get my diploma in Mass Communication.
I was from a neighbourhood primary school - Qifa Primary School.

Very active in sports.
A student leader, and a student who was rather eccentric.
I faired well in my studies, but I fail in most of my eccentric behaviours and attitudes.
I lived a healthy life till I was diagnosed with Marfan Syndrome in the year 2005.
That ended my journey in sports at the age of 12.

I entered my secondary school in the express stream where all hell broke loose.
I was posted to New Town Secondary School.
Supposingly a rather havoc school by it's reputation in the west.
But I never knew how chaotic it could get,
till I fell victim to school bully when I was in Secondary 1 and 2.

I fell into the disastrous spiral of depression,
with no forms of comfort to seek from many aspect in my life.
Life, then went spiralling out of control with my health following after.
Hatred grew in my heart day in and day out.
I felt the world has abandoned me,
and I thought about many unthinkable thoughts.

In the year 2009,
I walked myself out of 4 years of hell,
alive and kicking.
But not unscarred by that hellish experience.
After leaving that school,
and maturing much, much more.
I'm now exposed to a whole new chapter in life.
The world.

After leaving government school.
Life out there is totally different.
The world is now ready to challenge me at another stage,
and here I am,
standing by the sidelines watching my whole life pass me by.

I'm simple,
but I'm complex.
I just turned 17 three days ago,
and I feel I've been through 17 years of challenge worth of 30 years of life.
I'm just me.

LOVES;
YUKI .

Happy 8th Month .

2010-03-26T03:42:00.003+08:00

Happy 8th Month, Baby .

This 8 months have not been easy.
We've been through so much.
And everything felt like a fairytale, and nightmare and fairytale all over again.
I just hope now that another nightmare wouldn't happen again.

I hope that we can make it through everything and finally understand each other better.
I want us to finally be able to see each other as how we used to.
I love you, baby.
Happy 8th month anniversary. :D

Loves;
YUKI .

Sidelines .

2010-03-26T02:50:00.003+08:00

Life is passing on with me watching by the sidelines .

It's been a long time since I've blogged.
It's not that my life has been uneventful, don't get me wrong.
My life was pack filled with events, good and bad.
Nights have been getting longer and longer.
Days seems shorter then ever..

I wonder if it has anything to do with the month,
or the season?...
But what does it really matter?...
Long nights are lonely nights.
Nights when time is spent best on reminscing the past.

Many people have been asking me to look forward,
put down the past, stop thinking back..
It's starting to get so very irritating.
They have no idea why I even reminsce in the past..

All this thoughts just running back and forth in mind,
and with no one understanding it, is making me crazy!
Sometimes you just wish you could just live a life of a fairytale.
You never really expect yourself to be thrown into a spiral of troubles.

I've got so much to say...
Really so much...
But everytime I try to say something,
or try to type it out in my blog,
my head just goes wild.
It ends up as anger, confusion, sadness, and much more in my heart.

I hate it when no one understands.

LOVES;
YUKI .

7THMONTH .

2010-02-26T00:00:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 7TH MONTH, BABY!

Happy 7th month anniversary baby!
I know this 7 months wasn't easy,
but now that we have made it this far,
I really hope that you and I would treasure this relationship even more.

I really hope that you would change everything for me..
I really hope that now we have been together for so long,
we would start putting each other as both our top priority,
and start giving each other the best.

I really hope there will be more months, and soon years to come..
So please baby,
I really will need your help in maintaining this relationship,
I really need you to change for me, please baby?
Please dont make this relationship just another puppy love...
Cause I really am serious about it,
and I hope you still are..

Baby,
I love you.
Happy 7th month anniversary!

LOVES;
YUKI.

Before The Storm .

2010-02-21T23:53:00.008+08:00

Looking At You Isn't The Same Anymore .

School is starting soon for me.
I'm going to school tomorrow.
I'm feeling all uneasy all over.
Not only because I'm going to a new school.
But it's also going to be a fresh new start for me tomorrow.
A escape route from my 4 years in that hellish school!

But I feel more uneasy about something else.
And it's the same thing as what I said yesterday...
In fact, now I'm EVEN MORE uneasy.
But whatever it is,
my anger is building sky high now compared to all the other feelings.
All though all of my jealousy, distrust and so on are also building,
my anger is building up till I really feel like &*%#@!....

I am seriously getting more and more pissed off with you.
I really really dont understand why you MUST stay out to 2-3am EVERY NIGHT,
to keep those bloody girls company!
I really cant take it anymore!

I really cant trust you anymore!
Its seriously A FUCKING TORTURE!
You turn my love for you into anger and soon it will turn into hate if you dont change soon.
Worth it losing your girlfriend for a bunch of girls who just moved here,
and you have not even known them for a month?
Worth it losing a 6 months and coming to 7 months relationship for that bunch of girls?
I don't know what you're thinking about anymore..

I'm sorry for this really fierce post.
But RT really cant take it anymore!
I'm really on the verge of asking you for....
How do you want me to trust you again?
It's not going to be the same ever again.

You should have known it back then,
and if you really have always been thinking about me,
and have always been keeping me in your heart,
you would know what you're doing now would cause me to stop trusting you totally.
But you didn't..
I don't want to think anymore.

My heart's aching like nobody's business,
and my mind's throbbing like there's no tomorrow!
There's no gaining back the lost trust,
but there's still hope to prevent my lost of feelings for you.
I don't know if you'll ever make it,
but I guess I'm just gonna hope on and on...
Cause I still don't want an end to this relationship...
Cause I still love you.

But if you really love me,
you'll do your best to save this relationship this time round.
Baby, I love you..
I really do.

LOVES;
YUKI.

Should've Said No - Taylor Swift
It's strange to think the songs we used to sing
The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone
Yesterday I found out about you
Even now just looking at you feels wrong

You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes

You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You shouldn've known that word
'Bout what you did with her'd get back to me

And I should've been there in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

You can see that I've been crying
And baby you know all the right things to say
But do you honestly expect me to believe
We could ever be the same

You say that the past is the past, you need one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes

You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You shouldn've known that word
'Bout what you did with her'd get back to me

And I should've been there in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

I can't resist before you go tell me this
Was it worth it? Was she worth this?
No, no, no, no, no, no

You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You shouldn've known that word
'Bout what you did with her'd get back to me

And I should've been there in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

Four Seasons .

2010-02-21T00:19:00.004+08:00

Tears Fall Like Rain, Courage Crumbles Like Pie.
Smiles Presented Like Gold, Heart Flutters Like Snow.
Love Brings Four Seasons, It Isn't Easy At All.

I know I'm not a very strong person when it comes to love.
I crumble easily even over the smallest little things.
I cant stand being in pain because of love,
but I can withstand all pain cause by anything else.

Love to me is and never will be a game.
I cant just take it up easily and let it go just as easily.
I let myself fall head first, too deep into love all the time,
so deep till I cant pull myself back in time
before I get myself burned by what I thought would bring me happiness.

Maybe this is as far as I could go to face my current predicament.
I have not been able to sleep a wink,
nor eat in peace for weeks and weeks.
Neither have I been able to stop thinking and hurting inside for almost a month now.
I even feel so confused till I don't even know what to do,
or what I'm thinking that I cant even type anything in my blog for almost a whole month now.
I cant seem to even blog about anything else because you and I is all I can ever think about.

I'm getting more and more tired now.
And this feeling is killing me mentally,
its making me so tired,
that I cant eat or sleep properly that it ends up affecting me physically as well.
It is starting to get so fustrating,
so damn irritating that I'm getting sick and tired of what got me into this predicament.

I cant stand all this hatred and anger burning up within me,
I cant stand all this jealousy building up higher and higher,
I cant stand all this uneasiness that is growing minute by minute,
all the more I cant stand the pain and torture I go through every single passing second.
Pain and torture brought to me by the anger, hatred, jealousy, uneasiness, losing of trust,
losing of love, and the ever growing pain within.

I cant stand even writing all this things out.
The pain brought by just the thought is already so unbearable,
not to say I have not even wrote into detail..
I love you so, so very much.
But all this crap you've been doing, is making us so much different now.

The more you hang out with them,
the more I will get angry with them.
The more angry I am, the more upset I get.
The more upset I am all the time, the more tired I get of everything we have together.
Hence the more feelings and trust I will start losing.

If you really do treasure me,
you'll totally understand my pain,
and stop contacting them or going near them.
I cant stand the gap that I find myself slowly creating now.
It ends up hurting me even more,
and making me even more scared.

Save me from all this pain,
will you please?

I really love you,
I really dont want to lose you.
I treasure all the time we've been through together,
I don't want anything to change now.
It's really not worth it...
I love you.

LOVES;
YUKI.

Start With Yourself .

2010-01-18T00:26:00.004+08:00

I'm Not Someone Great,
But I Still Believe I Can Make A Difference .

I'm not creating this post out of randomness,
nor out of sudden greatness overwhelming me.
But when you've really been through pain,
and tried your very best to overcome obstacles,
you realise so much more about life.
That's when your heart starts going out more.

I look back at the end of my 4 years in NewTown,
a mixture of relief, happiness, sadness, regret overwhelmes me.
So many things have happened,
so many people have come and go,
so many obstacles I had to overcome,
and I am here looking back at my 4 years..
Years I used to call my temporary hell cell.

Now that I know how hard it is to live a life,
I know my life isn't the hardest to live...
There are more people out there in the world who really lives a really tough life.
When certain things happen to a person,
you end up changing a lot,
and start treasuring things around you.

I treasure life,
treasure the people I love,
though I know I'm not doing well enough now, especially to my family..
But I'm working on it..
No matter what, I'll love my family, love home.

Therefore I believe everyone should play a part and save our big home - the world.
Yes, you're just one person,
but together with so many others in the world,
just a bit of love from you combined with others,
we can flood the world with our hearts.

I'm not someone great,
I can't do anything on international scale cause I'm just 17,
but I can help spread the love,
spread the spirit,
spread the mindset.
I can't do much for anyone in the other countries,
donations are all I can offer..

But I can definitely start by making the lives of Singaporeans better.
A smile goes a mile,
a helping hand maybe another person's life saving pull,
the sincerity is what touches the heart,
and moves the soul.

When you see there is something that you can offer your help in,
and there really isn't nothing getting in your way,
then why not just use the spare time you have to make someone else's life better?
Though you cant change the world overnight,
but if you're willing to play a part in helping the world become a better place,
the change will really happen in no time.

I'm not doing this for any organisation nor am I doing this out of profit,
but because I really want to play a part and change the world for the better,
be kind to our home, and make another person's life less tougher.
We all share the same sky,
we all live in the same big world - our home.
We're all one big family when you come to think about it.
You'll never leave your family in the lurch,
don't leave your "distant relatives" in the lurch now.

Be it race or religion,
rich or poor,
educated or not educated,
we were all born to the same world.

Now, our home is ill and needs medication.
And we, we're the medication that our home, the world needs.
A little bit of kindness and help you offer everyday,
is Earth getting one tiny step closer to getting better.
Overtime, the world will appear even more beautiful to you too.
So let's play a part in making our home a more beautiful place.

It can be a smile,
a helping hand,
a donation,
or a change coming from yourself.

You can also make a difference by just spreading the love,
spreading the care,
spread the motivation
spreading the spirit of changing the world by starting with yourself.

I've been doing my bit everyday,
I've been feeding our home with a little bit of it's needed medication,
and the world really has seem a lot more beautiful to me.
This ain't some random post,
but something I know must be spreaded.

LOVES;
YUKI.

Look Back .

2010-01-10T00:16:00.003+08:00

The Future Is Important,
So Is The Past .

Tomorrow's the big day.
One of my life changing chapters.
There's this certain uncertainty in my heart,
this fear for something that is already way out of my control.
I'm feeling so perturbed by this uncertainty that I have no control over.

But I guess it's something almost everyone have to come across sooner or later.
But as I stare at the passing minute hand,
and as seconds passes by,
my heart starts to dread the uncertainty.
What will become of my future?
What will I become?

I know that this isn't going to be the only life changing moments in my life.
There will be many others,
for instance,
accepting a proposal?
Or maybe getting engaged,
agreeing to get married to a guy,
having children...
Oh, not to mention, what job to choose, what Uni to go to...

All those crap,
you know,
well... I guess everyone gets the full idea.
But when you look into the future,
you cant help but feel scared because you've never ventured that far before..
All the more will you start to look back into the past,
and start wishing "how I wish I did this... I did that..."

When you were in primary school,
all that matters was fun,
not getting into too much trouble,
and the biggest challenge then was just PSLE and getting into a good sec sch.
But when you're in sec sch,
all that matters was experience, trying new things,
rebelling, finding yourself,
and enjoying the teenage life.

But when you reach the end of sec sch,
and you stop for that one moment, and think about the future ahead...
You realise that actually life was coming at you hard and fast all this while,
just that you've been wasting 10 years of your time on finding yourself,
enjoying yourself and being rebellious.

It is then at this time when you suddenly wish time could maybe just go a bit slower.
You wish you have done better back then...
You wish you could have another go at childhood again...
And you'll realise that actually being all grown up wasn't as fun as you thought it would be.
It's now then do I realise what my parents mean by how much they wish they were me,
and them telling me to live my childhood years, and teenage years with no regrets.

But I already did..
Just by looking back today.
Everything seems to have changed...
It makes one indulge in reminiscence.
You feel yourself aging bit by bit.
Even my own neighbourhood seems to have change...
Everything is under construction,
and every old things have been replaced with the new.

It makes you feel really sad as you remember the past memories..
Every single bit of molecule around me has a memory attached to it,
and a special meaning to go with.
But everything's changing and so am I...
You never seem to notice the changes, nor the importance of those places or things,
till you finally realise that your life is really going to change, completely.

It makes you want to hold to those past memories for just one last time,
even if it's for just one second...
But it just doesn't work that way.
What's gone will be gone.
2009 went pass so fast,
so many people have come and go throughout my 4 years in Seconday School.

Just looking back makes me feel as though I just let 4 precious years of my life slipped me by.
It's like trying to catch the wind with your hands,
you just can't to get a grip on anything.
Memories rush in and out of your mind,
and tears are pushing at the back of your eyes.
It really deranges my normal nonchalant way of life.

It seems as though just one minute ago I was still in 2009 struggling for my 'O's,
and now, I'm suddenly a class of 2009 NTSS graduate
who is going to take another step further in life.
And it just seems like a few hours ago,
I just entered NTSS as a ignorant Secondary 1 student,
trying to be hip and funk,
and yet at the same time trying to find myself and be myself in a whole new enviroment.

Then it seems like a few days ago,
I was still a school team netball player,
a taekwondoer,
a PSLE student...
How hard is this feeling to apprehend?
Now let me tell you how hard it is...
VERY!

The emotional strain is pulling me down.
I find myself hating time..
(Not as though I do not hate time enough.)
I start hoping for quiet life and find myself maturing more and more.
I find myself being more nonchalant to many things I find really interesting just last year,
which is only a few weeks ago...

I find myself worrying about things I didn't use to before,
I find myself thinking about things I didn't find a need to consider about before.
Then all of a sudden,
from being one of the most infamous,
rebellious express female student for my year in my school,
I'm becoming a serious, matured,
quiet teenager, who's soon to become an adult..

Even my blog post have started to matured much more..
Looking back from the start of this blog,
my very first post in Secondary 2,
till now...
I realised I've actually really been through alot.

I've met many important, life changing people.
I've went through years with many supportive, always been there,
caring and never-leave-me dear ones.
I've had a mutiple changes of mind sets,
and a mutiple changes of ideology that changed my life.

So fast,
I'll soon be 17.
And I've had not enough of my 16 to make up to those important people in my life,
and let them know how much they really mean to me,
and how much I really appreciate all they've done for me,
and how I could never have gone through so much without them.

If I had one wish now,
I would want to turn back the hands of time to the very last week of 2009,
and make everyone of my love ones happy,
and allow them to know how much they all mean to me.
But I know it is definitely not possible.
But I know there is only one way for me to make it up,
though it will never match up to me doing it in 2009,
but it's better late then nothing,
am I right?

I can only name out every single super important dear ones.
And hope you all can understand that I really, really do love you all ever so much,
and appreciate everything you all have ever done for me though I really never have said much..
So here goes to all the great life changing people in my coming 17 years of life.
My Dad, my Mum, my Grandma, my Brother, my dearest best friend TohXiaoFen,
my baby Sukhjeevan Singh, my evil twin ChanHuiShan, my bastard buddy DesmondWoo,
my ever supportive good friend WongJouChyuan,
my ever funny and joy filled bunch of friends -
Simargeet Singh, Azmi, Clinton, Shafiq, Syed, Mathew, Pradeep, Arif, Firdaus,
my primary school friends who never seem to forget me no matter how far we go in life -
YueTing, HonTat, Brenban, Geno, JiaYing, Bon, and much more,
my ever so interesting and adorable cousins Siqi, Sihui, Siping, and ChenRong

I know there should be so much, so much more..
But if I were to name everyone out,
my heart would start to cry...
Because I didn't make the importance of all these important people in my life known.
I'm really so sorry if RT has been a disappointment to any of you in all the coming years,
I'm really sorry if I have not done enough as a good daughter, a best friend, a gf,
a good friend, or a good cousin.
But I really do hope all of you will understand the importance in my heart..

I sincerely wish for all your forgiveness.
I can only say,
Rt is just a human,
but all of you mean more then a mere human to her,
so please do forgive me..

LOVES;
YUKI.

PS: Dearest, I know I have not been a really good best friend in the past 4 years,
but I really want you to know that you are and always will be my one and only dearest,
my bestest of all friends, my sister..
Nothing can change our 6 years friendship coming to our 7.
Thank you for coming into my life, you brought colours along with you when you came.

Ever-lasting Memories .

2010-01-07T23:21:00.004+08:00

Slowly,
I'll Taste All The Sweetness In The World .

It's been such a long time since I last posted.
I've not been a rather responsible blogger.
But life is..
You can say messy?
Yet laughter, sweetness and happiness still does linger on.

Well, obviously since it's been such a long time since I really sat down and made a post,
I've got obviously ALOT to say.
You know, all the changes that have happened in my life..
One big change?
Well,
I've become from unemployed to employed,
and back to unemployed again.

I fired myself from my job. =.=
I swear, I didn't do it on impulse.
I've tolerated all the shit for a long time!
And that day was the last straw.

No more, I told myself.
That job is not worth my $5.50 per hour pay,
for me to work a job that is equalvalent to a 5 people job,
and getting all the blame pushed on me by a fucking unreasonable trainer.

Well,
I know my short-temper and my eccentric attitude has got a part to play too.
But my happiness is worth more than $5.50 per/hr, right?
I guess most people would have done the same as me if they were in my shoes.
I guess I only tolerated all those nonsensical requirements set for me for so long
only because of my dad, my family and baby.

One door close always means that another door is going to be open soon.
I'll just walk ahead, and look forward to it..
Challenges are a must, aren't they? :)
I guess I've really grown up even more now. :D

Ok, now let's forget about that job thingy,
it's not really such a big deal anyway.. :D
There are things that means more than the job.
Things like my 'O' Level results coming out soon,
and building stress growing in my heart, mind and soul.

But I don't really need to explain much, right?
I guess it explains itself, doesn't it.. hahahs!
Things that are more worth talking about?
OF COURSE!
Who ever said I'll allow my longest holiday so far to be totally ruin.
Obviously I won't allow my life to be all that bad..

But I guess it wasn't just done by myself.
Baby plays a big part in it. :D
We've been together for 5 months+ now,
and it's going to be our 6months soon.
I'm really looking forward to it..
Because it will soon be half a year since I've been with that special him.

He's been getting sweeter and sweeter..
More and more caring and gentle towards me.
He always gives way and lets me have things my way,
and sometimes I feel like I'm like some evil queen. hahahas!
I know I've got to treasure a guy like him...

Oh yeah, I've got my first flower from him today!
Hahas though it was really cute of him and the flower didn't cost a cent,
nor was it in blossom yet,
but my heart was booming with sweetness that I guess I tried not to let him notice.
As we were walking back from West Coast RC today,
I gave him a random comment about wanting to have flowers,
and asked him to pick some for me.

Well, you know there are flowers by the side of the pedestrian way right,
those small ones?
At first he didn't want to pick for me,
and I was just making a passing comment,
and told him that one day I really wanted a bouqet of flowers,
and made him agree to it..

But what I couldn't believe was after another few more steps,
he picked a flower for me and passed it to me.
He knew I was joking and I knew he was just trying to make me laugh.
But, that flower though not even worth a cent,
not even in bloom yet,
was one of the most beautiful flowers to me at that point in time.

Oh,
he has also been very determined to go to school recently,
and I'm really proud of him.
We also started talking about our future and what we really wanted,
and what we really needed in both our own life.

I don't mean talking about our future like talking about those fantasies that most couples do.
We talk about what we both want to be,
how practical it would be for our future life,
and talk each other into picking a better choice for our future.
Things like... our career choices, which is quite far fetched now.
Then there are things like our education choices and stuff.

He is 2 months and 25 days older than me,
which makes him 18 this year and me 17,
but still 2 months 25 days... Understand??
He really is mature in the way he thinks about things,
though he still is a teenager and plays and acts like some 13, 14 year old sometimes,
but he always understand all my weird, eccentric over-grown thinking and philosophy.

We've gotten closer then ever.
And we've both our future planned out.
And that was when I realised,
"Gosh, he really is damn serious about me.."
But of course,
even the most serious relationships & sweetest couples will always have inevitable quarrels.

Then there is also this saying that couples that quarrel,
are couples that care and couples that will most probably last long.
Of course I understand that the quarrels must be about something sensible..
I'm not that stupid, ok?
Although the future is still a question mark,
I will still hold out and watch on. :D
Cause I know he is worth it.

Today, we had another quarrel.
But I'm not posting this out to complain...
I'm posting this out because the look in his eyes today as he held on to me,
will become one of my ever-lasting memories.
People say that when anger takes control of you,
you lose control of your senses.
It happens everytime..
I know.

He said something really hurtful to me,
I didn't blame him because I knew that he was over-whelmed by anger at that time,
but I told him I wanted to leave and find time alone..
I didn't want to stay and disappoint myself,
and make myself seem like a failure.
I stood there at the 12 storey of a block,
crying and holding on to a handle looking down the block,
while he stood beside me listening to me.

After what he said,
it made me feel that I really was a failure, and I wanted to leave and be all alone.
But when tears flowed out of my eyes, and rolled down my cheeks,
with my vision all blurred from the pain and tears,
my cheeks hot and red, my mind swelling with anger,
pain and disappointment...
His warm hands found their way to my face,
wiping away all my tears...

& the next moment,
I'm crying hysterically in his arms,
holding on to me ever so tight.
He only gave me a light push away after a minute or so of me crying away,
to look at me and wipe my tears off again.
He only whispered the words as though barely able to catch his breath...
"Baby, I'm sorry. Don't go.."

I just shook my head and cried more.
I couldn't let go of the feeling of me feeling like some big failure at that time.
He slowly released his grip on my arms and dropped his head to turn away.
For almost a minute,
we stood facing each other back to back.
I was sniffling and sobbing,
and I heard soft snifflings coming from my back.

Then I heard him choking on his words while saying..
"Go, if it's really what will make you feel better.. I'm just really sorry.."
It was at that awkward moment that someone opened their door to leave house..
I quickly walked towards a rather weak and trembling him,
grabbed him by his wrist, and drag him down the stairs..
I didn't even look at his face once..
I didn't know what to expect..

We went down two storeys,
and stopped at the 10th storey.
He pushed my hands away and that was when I finally turned to take a look at him.
It was only then did I realise that he was crying...
I walked over to him and found myself lost for words.
He choked as he said the same sentence again..
All I could do was the same as what he did for me..

I reached my hands for his face and wiped his tears,
and gave him my biggest hug.
I guess we must have looked really ridiculous..
Two teenagers crying hysterically together...
But neither of us really wanted to let go.
But I just did to take one more look at him.

He misinterpreted it and thought I really was going to leave..
He let himself fall to the ground and sat on the stairs,
while I "kneeled" down one step below him so I could see his face clearly.
Again he choked and repeated the same words...
But this time he asked,
"How long do you need? Can I contact you? Where you gonna' go?"
But all I could think of was him,
his tears, that desperate and helpless look in his eyes...

I couldn't find any words to express how sorry I am for hurting him so bad,
I could only ask him why he was crying.
He lowered his head,
and mumbled...
"I don't want you to go... You really think I hate you?"
I only wanted to hold on to him,
but he held on to me first...
Only to hear him choking even more badly on his tears while saying,
"Baby, please...
Don't go..."

Of course I wouldn't,
because I just couldn't bear to.
I love him..
More than I did before,
afterall, we've been through so much together...

It was one awkward moment,
yet that moment have proven my importance to him,
and his love for me.
I wasn't going to doubt his words for a single second,
and I will not...

You may think this is like some channel 8 drama show kinda love story,
just like how he would always say about stories..
But no,
this time, it's my love story, and it's 100% true.
Well, I guess I shall just stop here right now.
I'm really tired as I've been meeting him really early in the morning everyday,
to send him down to school.

I've recently just came down with a flu,
and this bad headache.
So I'm guessing I'll just go take a rest.
Well so that's all from me...

Goodnights people!

LOVE;
YUKI .

PS: Baby, I love you.
Let's work hard together and make our plans become reality.

Over-Flowing Emotions .

2009-12-12T23:00:00.006+08:00

Brim Filled Anger,

Doesn't Sum Up To A Happy Person .

This past few weeks that I have M-I-A-ed from blogging,

my life was perpetually like a drama show.

I swear if I ever try to get into detail now,

you'll never hear the end of my story.

It's like some longwinded hypocritic drama show.

Nothing seems to go your way when you want them to.

There always seems to be this one BIG spoiler in every supposed to be happy ending.

Ridiculous and pissing is what your following conclusion will be.

I don't expect anyone to understand how brim filled I am with anger now,

but you'll just have to try to..

You know,

just try to understand when I go like...

"Imagine there is this guy..

and imagine when this thing happens...

and and imagine how you'll feel when..."

Ok, maybe I'm already doing that shit.

But there is really no one I can complain to!

It's not that I don't have my bunch of friends,

but they're all guys,

and Dearest is working, and so am I...

So imagine how stupid it'll look complaining to myself,

and consoling myself in the middle of the night?!

My blog is closest to the best deal of a Full-time listening ear companion,

at least that is when I find someone I can really feel comfortable,

sitting down, having some vodka and having a good heart-to-heart chat over.

It can get really depressing when you feel so much anger swelling inside you,

and there is just no possible way to vent it.

It's really ridiculous when you look yourself in the mirror,

and find yourself frowning at yourself.

Maybe this is how a mass murderer feels before he/she starts his/her adventure.

So beware, RT MAY end up a mass murderer one day..

If you have done something wrong to me,

find a way to make up to me big time, before my anger gets the better of me...

And if you have not done anything,

its best you watch out...

Nah, I'm just joking.

I'm depressed and angry..

But, not to the stage of falling into some stinking depression all over again.=.=

When I say drama,

I mean my life isn't all about fierce competition,

love triangles, non-stop violent filled fights,

or the ordinary squabbles that end up in face-tearing-relationship-straining quarrels,

there is still laughter, fun, joy,

total amount of back-to-square-one kind of emotions as well.

I got myself a job.

With the help of a relative,

in a totally unexpected situation,

at a very out-of-my-character place to work.

I'm currently working as a waitress with a unexpectedly high pay,

at Takashimaya B2 Fisherios Fish N Chips.

Which is my Cousin's aunt's shop,

with a lot of other branches...

Of course being the cousin of one of the bosses,

I get a high pay for a starter,

and I got that job offer while attending my Aunt's funeral.=.=

Which is really awkward...

Isn't it?

Well,

my cousin is also kind enough to get Baby a job at a restaurant just behind mine...

Which is the same as working together,

cause we can still see each other,

and go to work together,

and get off work together.

Interesting uh?

But it's not a easy job to cope with...

What'd you expect!? I'm working in Orchard!!!

But with me getting a job together with Baby,

you'd expect my life to become some happy ending..

But recently some huge quarrel broke out between Baby and Indra..

And now, we're no longer friends with Indra and Ilyas..

And everyday at Street 1 is like some on-going war that plays with patience,

and who is stronger.

But through this quarrel that I do not regret,

I regretted finding out how little their regard the rest of my friends have for me.

Because they left me fending for myself all the time,

fending myself from faults that are not mine to carry,

nor mine to bare.

They left me defending myself from insults and conflicts.

But I'm expected to do everything that is expected out of me from them for them.

Was my over-kindness towards them that allowed them to climb over me,

and walk over my limits and expect to get off scott free?

Or was it my character that gave them the idea that I was stronger than any of them,

and much more tougher that I could protect everyone including myself?

Either way,

I feel indignant that I've always been a nobody to them...

They could get angry over one of themself being bullied/scolded/insulted,

or have blame pushed all on to one of them one time,

and they would all stand up to fight for that someone,

but when it's me...

Nothing was done, not until now...

It's not just once...

It's been months...

And for how many months I've been having blame pushed on to me or insulted,

I have been tolerating it for how long,

and yet nothing has been done...

Should I feel afraid of this bunch of people who I see as friends aren't my true friends?

Should I feel hurt that none of them cared about my feelings for so many months?

Should I feel angry that I'm left to fend for myself,

and still prevented from fighting for my rights,

just because they think that I was over-reacting,

and they expected me to let everything go with a sorry.

I can't seem to remember when was the last time I threw my real temper..

I must be guessing it was a very very long time ago...

Because I shocked Baby with my real temper recently...

And he was shocked by the difference my anger brings to my character.

It is always funny the way people would get shocked by my sudden explosion of anger.

The way people would be taken aback by my strong tsunami-like wave of anger,

rushing towards them...

And most of all coming from a person who doesn't get angry easily,

or is usually soft towards her friends.

It's hugely humorous to see people cower in fear when I show them the other side of me.

But the endings are usually bloody and filled with a lot of regrets...

But those don't come from me...

I meant the blood, and the regrets. :D

Well,

and I'm not even up to the worst part yet..

And I'm already having my anger building even higher just thinking about all of that.

And what's worst is my family are also adding on anger to me now,

even before my previous anger can dissipate.

I've got this weird allergy or some sort reaction now...

I'm also not too sure..

All I know is my lips are like sausages now,

and they are hurting me like CRAZY!

It's been like this for almost a week..

Only got worst yesterday, and hence I didn't go to work today.

Then there is this thing about this person I care about a lot,

and had A LOT of high hopes on...

Someone who is supposingly holding a very important position in my life now...

He just makes me so unhappy, so unimportant at times of course.

He makes me feel that I've just been made use of (also at times.).

But it's because of all this high hopes,

that's dashing more of my confidence and trust now...

I know I should have learnt from my past mistakes,

and stop having high hopes on anyone important in my life...

But if love was really that simple,

the world would be like a book,

everything needed to be understood and known would be written in black and white.

It would not be a guessing game for the mind, soul and heart.

If love was really that simple,

then love would never come in place,

would never make one miss another like crazy,

want the other half to be happy,

and do all those ridiculous things and give up so many things for their love.

Love has many routes for many lovers.

You have the...

You love that person and that person loves you scenario.

Where everyone is living in equality and simplicity.

And you have the...

You love that person and that person loves you not scenario.

Where you find yourself doing many ridiculous things for that person,

hurting yourself and getting nothing in return,

and yet still feel happy to see that person happy.

Then there is the..

That person loves you more than you love that person or vice versa scenario.

Where you'll be the luckiest lover in the world,

while your lover will be the sweetest yet saddest lover in the world.

Then there is also the..

you love each other and cant end up together kind of scenario,

which I must say is the most dramatic kind of love in the world,

and also the most admirable kind of love.

Because these two people will find themselves going against all odds for each other,

only to find themselves loving each other more.

I don't know which category mine goes under...

I'm not quite sure yet...

But till I can be sure that I'm someone important in his heart...

And he can show it to me,

and make me feel that way...

I'm very sure I know which category to put mine under.

I don't hate him, and never will...

I love him...

But maybe I need him to love me more.

Because his disregard towards certain things just make it hard for me to convince myself.

Whether it's just to convince myself,

or really for a fairytale ending...

I hope it comes true..

Anyways,

I guess I shall just end here.

I still got work tomorrow.

And yet, I'm still not feeling well.

So I'm guessing I should be responsible of myself now,

and let myself get some rest in a better not so back-breaking condition. :D

(This bloody chair is hurting my spine! :{ )

And also,

I should stop making Baby so worried about me not getting enough sleep..

So,

this is it for now people!

GOODNIGHTS!

Till the next episode of drama.. =S

LOVES;

YUKI.

PSPS:

Good luck to Margeet for your first day of work tomorrow at Fisherios Fish N Chip,

Bugis branch! :D

LOLS.

Hope you don't end up getting bullied or get influence by the rest there...

Heard they are a mean bunch of people. :(

Baby,

I gotto know it now..

That your care is stone hard real.

And that your love isn't a moment of infatuation.

Don't let me down,

cause I know you're different...

But now, I need stronger evidence, and stronger proof of your love.

Don't let me run this race alone,

I am ahead now,

but I'm still waiting for you to reach and run with me,

just like how you used to...

I love you.

Words .

2009-11-21T23:32:00.002+08:00

When The Going Gets Tough,
The Tough Gets Going .

Today was really kinda awesome! :D
Today is Hafiz (Teddy Bear)'s birthday!
So, I met Baby around 1200+ going to 1300,
and slacked with Man for awhile before going to take bus to IMM.
Went to IMM to shop for B'day present for Teddy.

Baby wanted to go eat first,
so we went to Mcdonald's for Baby to have his breakfast/lunch first.
After eating,
we went to Mini Toons to walk around.
We then went to Comics Connection...
But in the end, we went back to Mini Toons.

Bought Teddy a sling bag and a teddy bear! :D
Bought sweets too from Mini Toons.
Then I went to buy ShiLin Taiwan snacks from the Basement for Baby to try.
Baby says he likes it! :D
I'm not too sure if he really does or just trying to please me~
But I was really happy anyway. :D

Took bus back to Street 1,
went to Study Corner to sit down and enjoy our food. :D
Shared with Man and AhTurl.
LOLS. Didn't know they like it too. O.O.
Waited for the rest to come and meet us at Study Corner.
AhTurl's nephew was there...
And he is SUPER UBER CUTE!!!
Played with AhTurl's nephew while waiting for the rest.(:

When all of them have reached,
Shafiq went to buy card,
we then took shuttle bus to Central.
Met Azmi at the bus-stop in front of Clementi Heights.
Took one stick before going up to Teddy's house.
His mum is really friendly!!! :D
Hahahas.

Well, we watched TV for awhile and chatted.
Then ate.
Teddy's mum cooked,
and GOSH, THE FOOD WAS D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S,
DELICIOUS! :D
Especially the peppered chicken! (Awesome!)
Wanted to take more, but I was really quite full! :(

We then cut cake for Teddy.
Sang song, took group pics and had cake! :D
I got the very first piece of cake. :D Teehee.
Perhaps cause I'm the only girl there. HAHAS!
After everyone got their piece of cake,
Teddy's mum asked who wants the cherry and strawberry,
Baby immediately shot me a glance and smiled at me...
I remained silent...
Then....

I heard Teddy's mum go like...
"Oh, girls confirm will like cherry and strawberry one!"
Then I turned around to see her smiling at me...
and she said "Come girl girl, take the cherry and strawberry."
Hahahahas! Everyone laughed!
It's been such a long time since anyone called me by "girl girl".
Hahahas. Made me feel kinda young. HAHAHAS!

After the cake,
dinner wasn't over just yet!
We still had PIZZA! WOO?!~
Took one piece only cause I was really too full!
The guys seriously can eat a lot?!
Especially Margeet and Ilyas.
LOLS.
We sat down and watch more TV, chit chatted, and Teddy opened his presents.
Left Teddy's house around 1900+.

When leaving,
Teddy's mum came out to bid us farewell.
I said bye to her,
and she said "Bye uh girl girl, thank you for coming!"
HAHAHAHAS! Teddy's mum really is equally as friendly as Teddy! :D
So... I really enjoyed myself at his house. :D

Well, we then went downstairs for a smoke,
then we went to CityVibe cause Teddy wanted to play MT,
and Azmi wanted to learn.
So went to City Vibe and played Mario Kart with Baby,
watched Teddy and Azmi play MT,
and played drums and watch other people play also.
Had a lot of fun there today!! :D
I believe all of us did. :D

We then went off and bid farewell to Teddy.
The rest of us then rushed to catch the shuttle bus.
Baby, Ilyas and me walked first with Indra following closely.
Baby reached the bus-stop first, then Ilyas,
followed by me then Indra.
We stood there waiting for the rest of them.
At the bus-stop, we tore a lot of those flyers and made them into paper shreds.
Waited for the others,
but they didn't show up.

Later they called us and told us they were at the other side and
came down the slope instead of the stairs.
So we went over with paper shreds in all our four hands.
Went over and congratulated Arif, Margeet, Shafiq and Azmi for being the fifth team on arriving.
After shaking all their hands,
it was "MERRY CHRISTMAS"!
HAHAHAHAS!

Waited for Shuttle bus,
back to West Coast Plaza.
Btw, I hate the Shuttle bus Uncle! (HMPH!)
Saw Nita sitting outside Fish & Co.
She came with us to slack. :D
Slacked at Study Corner for awhile and went to Pondok.
Chatted a lot with Nita. :D
Had a lot of fun,
it's also good to have a girl to chat with once in awhile.

Slacked till 2230,
Nita and Margeet went home (They are siblings.),
Baby sent me home,
but Baby wasn't going back with Nita and Margeet cause he was going to slack more.
Parted with the rest.
And here I am blogging away again! :D

Well,
basically today was on the whole...
REALLY ENJOYABLE! :D
It's been such a long long time since I pass through a day feeling so high. :D
But still,
feeling high for today does not mean that I don't have any negative emotions present.
I still do...
But it's not really that strong today... So I'm on the whole really rather quite glad. :D

Maybe sometimes you just got to let yourself go for one day,
and you'll feel all so much better.
Thoughts still will run wild,
but not as much when you're having a good time.
Well,
I'm kinda tired from all the walking and partying today.
Not as in literally tired,
just shoulders tired and stuff...
So I wanna go get some rest. (Especially for my shoulders.)
:D

So, that's all for today's post!
Bye people! :D

Oh, and before I end this post,
one more thing...
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TEDDY! :D
(Although I've said it a multiple times already today, I would still say it. :D)
Hope you'll like all the presents. :D

LOVES;
YUKI.

I really want to know..
Know if your love for me is greater then what you show me..
I know you care a lot about me,
I know you are very protective over me...

But Baby,
I need to know your love for me is true,
faithful and greater then what you show me everyday...
Cause now my heart wavers and quivers at the very thought of our growing distance.

I want to draw near the distance,
I want no more misunderstandings.
I want no more quarrels, no more attitude.
I know you're trying your best to show you care.
But Baby, I need your love, not your fear..

Promise me you'll work things out with me..
We'll fight through the storm together..
I have faith in you..
So don't give up just yet, please...

I Love You.

B'day wishes !

2009-11-21T02:06:00.002+08:00

HAPPY B'DAY TEDDY BEAR !

YOYOYO!
HAPPY B'DAY TEDDY BEAR HAFIZ!
17 and still older then me!!! :p
HAHAHAS!
Hereby wishing you a super duper happy b'day!
Hope you'll enjoy your evening with us later!!!

Stay always, and forever happy,
cheerful, friendly, lucky,
super lovable and uber positive!!!
Ok? ((:

With much LOVES;
Your owner - YUKI. :D

Undying Strength .

2009-11-15T00:56:00.006+08:00

Down Once, But Not Forever .

Do I have to state it out clearly to explain why I MIA-ed for so long?
For those slow turning brains...
'O' Levels kept me away,
but YEAH HELL YA BABY, I'M BACK!
Which means...
'O' Levels are O-V-E-R,
OVER!!!!!

I'm gonna be very honest and tell you I'm seriously not confident of my 'O's,
but since it's already over,
there really isn't much I can do.
So, you can say I've already finished one of my duties and put down one of my burdens.
But...
Life isn't going all too smoothly just yet.
My family has met with a big financial problem...

And my dad is not staying with my family now.
He currently resides in Indonesia as he has to work there for the family.
Get the whole idea?
I don't really have to be specific about this...
Cause it's kinda personal, know?

Well, I really was and still am very upset over it.
And this is the reason why I'm going to chiong work this holiday.
I'm going to take up 3-4 jobs to lessen the family's burden.
Hopefully that would bring my dad back..
However, finding job is currently a big problem for me now.
I seriously have no idea how to get myself a stable single job just yet.
ZZZ.

When the news was first broke out to me,
I honestly broke down everyday.
I cried when I was going to sleep,
I cried when I was slacking with my friends,
I cried when I saw a happy family together,
and I cried when I hear anything related to 'Dad'.
And now, I cry even more when I think of him...
Cause I really miss my Dad, and I really hope he is doing fine...

I really didn't have any mood to sit myself down to write a post,
neither did I even have the mood to study,
or reflect on anything in my life.
I was really stress up...
I swear if 'O' Levels ends longer, I would have collapsed of nervous breakdown.
=.=

But now,
I'm finally doing the things I should have done a long time ago,
and that is to face up to the truth, and brave it through,
and reflect on my own life, and make it better then moan over the happened,
and remain status quo.
I'm finally back to normal again,
I'm looking pass the troubles,
and looking into the solutions.

I'm tired, I still am.
In fact just 2 hours ago,
I just had a quarrel with someone important,
but its all settled now,
and I'm fine now...
I'm all less upset, and less uptight.
I've settled my own problems, and made the existing status even better then before.

Life,
it can really just be that weird at times...
Isn't it?
How many times I've fallen in life,
and how many times I picked myself up...
This time, I'm not going to say I'm not going to let myself fall again,
cause I know one day I still will,
I'm just going to say this time round that...
Even if I fall the next time round,
I will settle this problem myself,
and make sure the situation wouldn't remain status quo.
I would make it better then before.

This is the RT who has grown even more.
I'm gonna make my family proud,
and my dad's hard work worth everything.
I'm not feeling perfect,
but I'm still surviving.
I'm gonna make my OWN history,
my way...

I'm going to try my best no matter what to find jobs to lessen my family's burden.
I'm not going to give up,
one day,
I will bring my Dad back to Singapore,
and we'll all get to live together again.
But from now till then,
Dear God,
please bless my Dad and keep him safe...

Even he is in another country,
I will always think of him,
I will always miss him,
my Dad.
I'll grow up, and be Daddy's little girl, and more.
I'll make him proud, I promise.

Life isn't going too smooth like I said,
but I'll take life one step at a time,
and I'll handle it by looking further,
further then the roots.
I may fall,
maybe once, twice, thrice,
and maybe even more...
But I definitely will not remain fallen,
definitely not forever.

At least now,
life isn't all that bad...
To look at it positively is actually really quite simple.. :D
I've still got my Mum with me, my Bro, and my Grandma,
I also still got my Dad, though far but still near.
I've still got my ever-loyal best friend dearest Xiao Fen,
I've still got my loving baby Jeevan,
I've still got my ever-encouraging angelic twin HuiShan,
and more.

Worries, troubles, obstacles,
pain, anger are all inevitable.
I will not try to run from the unavoidable,
instead I'll do my best to minimize it's occurrence.
I'll give up one day,
but today, tomorrow, or in the near future just isn't that one day yet.

Well tomorrow is job hunting's rest day,
and I've been job hunting for 3-4 days straight.
I'm really tired now,
so I shall go catch the night train to dream world. :D
Good Nights People!

LOVES;
YUKI.

PS: Daddy, I Miss You.
Take Care.
I'll always love you.

Deserved .

2009-10-24T01:13:00.005+08:00

Wake Up Slap .

Pretending time is over.
It's 1.14am now,
no one is awake at home.
I just ended the phone call with Baby.
I'm sitting in front of the comp alone,
the neighborhood is silent and peaceful,
the serenity of the night is occasionally ruin by the late on-going cars and bikes on the highway.

I never ever wear make-up.
In fact,
I hated wearing make-up.
I only wore make-up for special occasions,
and worst to worst, I'll only put on lip-gloss if really needed.
And the one and only time is when I'm going to perform,
but that doesn't apply now, does it?

But every night,
when the neighborhood is at it's quietest,
when the world falls asleep,
I'll slowly, bit by bit,
remove the make-up I wear everyday,
from the moment I wake up,
till the moment I'm the only one awake.

Without the need of a cloth,
nor water,
I wipe off the smile on my face,
I clean that bright glow I carry around me during the day time.
I let my tears fall,
my hatred flow,
my regret grow.

This,
has slowly become the everyday routine of mine..
So tiring, but it's become so natural..
I have already stopped asking why and how I could get use to this feeling,
because I know no matter how I try to link things up,
everything seems to be my fault in the end.
If that's the case,
then there really is no use to carry any emotions anymore,
isn't it?

I deserve it,
that's what everyone has been telling me.
Be it my secondary 1 teacher Ms Ray,
or my parents at home,
my ex-clique in school,
to all the group of people who means the most to me now,
and the two people who means the world to me.

I close my eyes every night,
thinking that..
"maybe, just maybe,
tonight would be a more peaceful night..."
But the moment I shut my eye-lids tight,
the sentences..
"You're damn stupid!", "You're hopeless!",
"You're a failure!", "You deserve everything!",
"You're really a Jinx!"
keeps replaying in my head..

Maybe, no one knows how tormenting that feeling can be,
nor how hurtful those words can be,
neither would anyone know how big a impact and scar those words have left me.
One word by one word,
they seem to be carved into my heart, my mind, and my life,
by many, so many different voices..

Why am I suddenly writing all these?
Because last night,
23rd of October,
will be added to all the nights and days that I will never forget in my life.
Because last night,
was the night RT was betrayed by her close friends again..
and again, just like the previous ex-clique story,
it wasn't a lie covered up for a few days, or weeks.
It was a lie covered up for many many months.

What would you do if one day your heart would to hurt like crazy,
but when you're frantically searching for all the people you love, trust, care, and rely on,
you turn around to realize they are reasons for that awful pain in your heart?
Would that moment seem like as though you were deserted by the world?

What would you feel if you've done a lot for those people,
but what you got in the end were the same people making use of you,
and putting the blame on you back in the end,
and leave you with no choice but to take up every single blame,
and every single responsibility.

What would you do if one day trust, and security was taken away from you again,
and worst of all, by the people you trusted the most again?
What would you do if one day nothing in the world can make you smile again,
but everything in the world can only make you cry?
Would you give up, or would you still want to carry on?
And if you were to carry on, would you ever be the same you again?

I was correct,
correct again.
I seem to have this special thing going on about me,
guessing all the bad things that would happen,
and it would really happen.
I don't know if what people call me as a jinx really was true,
but even if it was..
I guess I can only jinx myself.
Because all the bad things I guess would only happen to me.

I remember saying this just two days ago..
"I have been crying straight for 5 days.
Another 2 more days and that makes a week.
I cried on Sunday, then Monday,
then Tuesday, then Wednesday,
and now Thursday.
All that is lacking is Friday and Saturday."
And true enough,
I cried last night, and I'm crying now.

That's a week, and not a single day short.
But last night,
I cried the hardest,
because the pain last night,
was the most unbearable pain ever among these 7 days.
That familiar pain was that I experienced during November last year,
when I was in Kyushu, Japan on the School Exchange Program.

That hateful feeling of a total lost of trust and hope is back again.
This time, I made a mark on my hand,
to remind myself of tonight,
of this killer named trust.
And to remind myself,
I'm stupid, and I deserved everything.

Was it not obvious before,
or do I have to state the obvious and pray someone realizes it?
I'm human.
Unexpected?!
Wow, me too!
No, really...
No joke. I'm shock by how much I can tolerate up till now even though I keep saying...
"I'm human."

I don't know how to explain this excruciating pain in my heart right now,
because I really don't know how to anymore.
It's really too painful, and too unbearable.
I wont ask for help even though I really need some right now,
I wont scream I'm scared and afraid even though I'm trembling in fear now,
I wont give up now even though I really wanna yell "I QUIT! I GIVE UP! I SURRENDER!",
because everyone still expects me to be that RT.

But now, I already know no reason in being that RT.
If I'm that RT to be there for others,
be the pillar for others,
be that oh-so-positive RT for others,
who's going to be there for me,
be my pillar of support,
be that oh-so-positive one who's been through more then me,
and willing to give everything to do everything for her everyone,
and willingly accepts all the blame, and tolerate all the insults in the end?

But I'll keep my promise no matter what,
I will stick to my principles,
I will fulfill whatever I set for myself,
I will, no matter what..
I'm still that RT,
but I'm tired of being her...
I'm really tired of being her...
In fact, I really hate her.

I've really got so much I need to get off my chest,
but I really don't know how to say anything anymore!
I really am overwhelmed by pain, hatred and fear now,
but I don't know what words to use to make that amount seem equivalent to that felt deep within me,
nor do I know how to even express those pain, hatred and fear I am suffering now.

私は疲れて。

LOVES;
YUKI.

Soon,
the only way out for me is to tell my life story here.
But when that day comes,
it's the day I leave everyone.
When the story is written,
I would have cried enough to flood the world.

And I promise,
I'll carry all the insults, all the regrets, all the wronged accusations to my grave,
and leave behind my story for the world to judge.
Because when the judging begins,
I don't want to hear the truth that I already know.

And this is RT.

Miracles .

2009-10-21T01:19:00.004+08:00

Tears,
Bitter Sweet Tears .

I'm suffering a mixture of weird concoction of emotions brewing within me now.
This morning,
I woke up early even though I slept in late.
Went out to meet Baby and Pradeep.
Slacked with them,
went with them to buy what Pradeep wanted to buy,
and back to West St 1.

They sent me home,
and they went to play pool at Queensway.
I stayed home to wait for tuition to start.
Had tuition till 2.30.
Went down at 3+ to meet the rest.

And this time,
I'm not going to stop the truth from coming out.
Today,
Baby and I quarreled.
He was supposed to go to West Coast Park Mac to study with me.
We quarreled.
And it was at that point of time then did I realize Baby really wanted me to study hard.

He scolded me,
and reprimanded me,
like how a father would to his young girl.
But the only difference was, he isn't my dad.
Through the whole walk down to West Coast Park Mac,
we remained silent,
other then my occasional sobs,
and sniffers...

His voice echoed through my ears,
reprimanding me about 'O' Levels,
about me not studying,
and he almost resorted to grounding me at home till my exams are over.
His every word, hit me fast and hard.
He didn't save a single bit of anger in him.

It's funny how at this point in time,
my tears would keep streaming down my cheeks,
mixing with the sweat that's dripping from my forehead from the high temperature,
my head pounding like a temple gong,
and my heart aching like it just suffered the attack of a thousand arrows,
but yet,
I wanted so much to hasten my steps,
get up right next to him,
grab him and whisper to him a simple but emotionally overwhelmed thank you...

I know he meant well,
the scoldings, so real...
But the words were definitely harsh,
but I know he was really very worried about my future.
But I really hope he understands...
I'm stress because I cant work well under stress.
The more people stress me and pressurize me,
my brain just wouldn't work,
and I would end up breaking up in tears.

In the end,
he still sat there beside me as I quietly took out my book to study.
He was like a guardian watching over my every move,
once my attention gets distracted,
he would jump in immediately and cut me back.
Weird how I told him when I first accepted him,
that I'm like a little devil,
I need a lot of controlling.

He told me,
he never liked to control,
but if it's what is good for me,
he'll do it.
And today,
I finally understood what he meant...

Baby,
I'm sorry if I've become such a burden in the past two to three days.
I really didn't know what I was doing anymore.
I don't want to be thrown in a state of total confusion,
cause it's scary.
Please promise me, you'll give me some time.
Don't give up on me.
Promise me you'll carry on supporting me...

Cause this RT now,
is suffering too many injuries at once...
I'm too weak to stand by myself.
I'm sorry...
I really am.

Today,
I finally understood my Chem properly,
with the help with another one of my close friend - Azmi.
He sat there and explained chapter by chapter to me,
like how a Kindergarden Teacher would to their students.
I'm really glad that someone was really willing to help me out in my studies.

Another two of my friends were Ilyas and Indra,
my two Adiks.
They sat there,
although they were still their normal self,
making all the noise in the world,
they actually did sit there for those 4 hours doing nothing,
but only to drink, eat occasionally,
talk, and watch me study.

I have to admit,
my tears were uncontrollably on the verge of rolling down my cheeks again,
but this time, I held it back...
Because I was stress, and I was scared of failing,
and there was so much to remember...
But it was also because I was touched by how they were there for me.

We went back at 7,
and the guys went to play soccer.
When we reached back,
Winnie told me you came back the night before...
I almost dropped her off my back when I was carrying her...
I was on the verge of tears...
Cause girl, I really did miss you...

I kept asking her when and what,
and all the ridiculous 5W1H questions you can think of...
I then went to ask Calvin,
you know, the yo-yo freak guy?
I even cut through Alvin's soccer game half way asking him for your number.
And when Calvin told me you were looking for me the night before,
I didn't know if I should feel happy,
or feel sad...

That whole night as the guys were playing soccer,
I wondered about all that I went through for the past two weeks..
and I thought about you...
If you were still the same..
And how you were coping with your life...

Dearest,
it's been such a long, long time since I have typed that word out...
I'm sorry,
I really am...
I don't know what to say to explain everything to you.
But maybe I was a coward...
I was running from the one thing I could not accept until now...

Couldn't accept the things you said to me that night...
I didn't know if I had the courage to even remind myself of you...
Or to even write a post dedicated to you.
That night, I wrote you a post,
but I never published it out,
cause I only managed to type out Dearest,
I'm sorry...

It's ridiculous and silly isn't it?
How I always debate my way out of things,
and end up saving myself in many occasions with a ne'er-do-well way of shooting nonsense..
But I cant even use that same mouth to explain myself to my best friend for 6 years...
I hurt myself,
but what's even worst is I hurt the girl who's my best friend,
my younger sister...

I thought you really hated me for good,
and would never want to see me again...
I didn't even dare to let myself think of you or write something for you..
I'm a coward, aren't I?
I'm sorry...
Dearest, I really am...

That I'm not really as brave as how you pictured me to be in the past 6 years...
I feel I've failed myself, and failed you.
I'm at fault,
I won't deny.
I don't want to keep saying sorry.
I really wanted to make it up to you,
but I never thought that you would actually forgive me.
Cause I don't deserve it.

Dearest,
I've not changed a bit...
I'm sorry...
But Dearest, remember during Sec 1,
I told you I had Depression?
Dearest, I'm afraid I really am not that strong enough to pull myself out yet...
I don't know how to face anyone.
Not even them.

I'm scared,
I really am...
But I really don't know how to express myself anymore...
But that makes me even more afraid,
because I'm afraid I'll soon lose all of me.

Yes,
I really do love him.
Silly, I am.
And no, I'm not really sure how to explain to you here.
What you've said isn't nonsense,
it's perhaps the things I've always wanted to hear you say since that night...
Weird how you always make me smile when you reprimand me.

Cause I never did mind those apologies I make when we quarreled,
cause I didn't even want the quarrel,
I apologize sometimes because I really think I'm at fault,
but most of the time,
I apologize because I'm your best friend, and I hurt you with those quarrels.
Don't you think I should apologize?
But you would always scold me for apologizing for no rhyme of reason,
or for apologizing just to brush things off.

I did want those quarrels to end,
cause I was afraid if it continued on,
I may really lose my best friend for good.
Dearest, are we the silliest sisters on Earth?
How we actually really treated each other as real sisters,
and end up hurting each other and ourselves...
Was it necessary??

I'm silly,
I'm stupid,
I've always been the braver one,
I'm straight-forward,
I'm out-spoken,
I'm the older one.

Please,
let me be the one to take up all the fault this time round.
Cause you were and forever more will be my dearest younger sister.

I don't know what to say.
But since the last post,
my feelings remained the same.
I know the clique have been trying their best to include me in their conversations and stuff.
But I actually found myself not reacting to it.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I really don't.

I even found myself showing Baby attitude.
Getting angry over the smallest, most insignificant things...
And starting quarrels and saying many ridiculous things.
I know I'm at fault,
but I really don't know how to make up for all the mistakes I've done to everyone lately.
To Dearest, to Baby, to the Clique and to my family.

I'm finding myself more and more like a failure...
I'm still the same RT,
just that this RT is getting a bit too lost now,
I'm scared, but tears just don't say or mean a thing anymore.
Tears have been rolling down my cheeks for the past two weeks,
be it for sadness, or for joy..
But tears don't define themselves.

And my words are stuck in my throat ever so deep now.
I know they are trying their best,
and so is she...
But so am I...
But why is it I always seem like the only failure in the world?
I really need all of you now...
Dearest, Baby and the Clique, and my family too.

I don't want to keep thinking of giving up.
Cause I'm afraid one day,
I'll really succumb to my weakness in me,
and let myself crumble in...
I don't want this to be the end...

Dearest, I'm sorry.
Baby, I'm sorry.
G(SQUARED), I'm sorry.
Mum & Dad, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if I've failed you all.
But I promise you all,
I wont give up just yet.

I wont let you all down.
I'll show you all I'm still the same RT as before.
Just please,
don't give up hope on me just yet...
Wait for me.

LOVES;
YUKI.

Miley Cyrus - True Friend .
We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're lookin' out for me, you've got my back
So good to have you around

You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
'Cause you keep my feet on the ground

You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside when something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend

You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I've found

A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside when something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again

True friends will go to the ends of the earth
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in

A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside when something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
No need to pretend
You're a true friend

You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside when something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend

You're a true friend
You're a true friend

Nikki Flores - I Got You .
I've been waiting for a long time
For someone who can make my dreams come true
You've been with me for a long time
Helpin' me through, all that I have gotten through
And I'm thankful for everything
You do for me boy, and you know that I love you
I'll take care of anything you'll ever need

Ooh, when you're all by yourself baby
I got you
If you need someone to call baby
I got you
There's no need to be lonely
I got you
And I know that you got me too, boy

Ohh ah, yeah
Ohh ah, yeah

When you smile at me, it makes me weak
I can count on you boy to be there when I'm fallin'
I didn't have to change for you to see
That nothing can ever come between you and me
I need you for who you are
And all that I am when I'm standin' next to you
Lyrics
I'm so lucky to have you in my life

Ooh, when you're all by yourself baby
I got you
If you need someone to call baby
I got you
There's no need to be lonely
I got you
And I know that you got me too, baby

Your heart is with me and with nobody else
I'm tryin' to keep my cool but I can't help it
I can't imagine life without your love
Now and forever you're all I'm thinkin' of

When you're all by yourself
I got you
There's no need to be lonely
And I know that you got me too, boy

Ooh, when you're all by yourself baby
I got you
If you need someone to call baby
I got you
There's no need to be lonely
I got you
And I know that you got me too, boy

Ooh, when you're all by yourself baby
I got you
If you need someone to call baby
I got you
There's no need to be lonely
I got you
And I know that you got me too, boy

Ooh when you're all by yourself
You need someone - call me
I got you
When you're all by yourself
I got you, I got you, I got you

One Way Out .

2009-10-17T23:14:00.006+08:00

To Keep Holding On .

Have you ever came to a point in life when everything seems to be overwhelming?
And at that point of time,
you feel like running away from everything and everyone...
Not only because of fear of responsibility...

But also because you're afraid of questions,
afraid to face people,
afraid to hear what they got to say,
afraid of being hurt even further,
afraid of doing more wrong stuff and cause others to misunderstand you more.

It's at this point in life,
then do you come to realize that you have no where to go,
and no one to turn to.
You have this constant fear overwhelming in your heart,
this constant hatred you can never seem to subdue,
this constant misery you can never seem to chase away,
this constant longing for support and help that never seem to come.

It's also when you realize that even the most motivating phrases don't mean a thing,
when the most trusted friend don't seem to appear trustworthy anymore,
when the most calming songs doesn't seem to comfort you,
when the most touching movies don't make you wanna' cry anymore,
when the funniest jokes your friends tell cant even make you produce a smile.

It's when your world turns nothing but black and white.
It's when you cant feel anything anymore.
It's when you don't see a point in smiling anymore.
It's when you start hating the sound of laughter.
It's when you start to wish you could hear nothing but just the sound of yourself.
It's when you wish you were in a faraway place where it's just you and you alone.

It has become my life.
This point came,
but it never went away..
I cant seem to remember since when I have reached this one faithful point in life.
I'm guessing it must have been a long long time ago..
I cant seem to remember what brought me to this point..
But it must have been something serious..

I don't regret where I stand now,
I just know if I didn't like it,
I must do something for myself to get myself out.
But I'm really just me...
There is really just so much I can take,
so much I can tolerate...

I've tried to continue hanging out with the clique,
to make sure I'm not alone.
So that I could keep my mind preoccupied,
ensure that I will not feel alone,
and to cheer myself up.

But I soon found myself putting on a mask in front of my most trusted friends.
Fearing the worst when I am with them.
Feeling even more lonely when I found myself lost for words,
and them having their own talks and fun,
while I just sit and watch.

I've tried to listen to all the music that would cheer me up,
calm me down,
and push me on..
I've even tried to fill in music into my life in every second I was left alone.

But all the music I've been hearing doesn't seem to fill up my mind,
nor my heart anymore.
Those music that I used to hear when I'm down and out,
doesn't cheer me up anymore.
Those music that pushes me on when I'm getting tired and feel like giving up,
doesn't seem to have that motivating effect anymore.

Those music that seems to calm me down and set me at ease when I'm stress and uptight,
doesn't seem to clear my mind of any thoughts anymore.
Those music that seems to appease my anger no matter how engulfed by hatred I am,
doesn't seem to agree with my reasons anymore.
Those music that supports my every decision I make and give me the courage to carry it out,
doesn't seem to have that kind of support anymore.
Those music that brings me to heavens when I feel like I'm in love all over again,
doesn't seem to make me feel all sweet and warm inside anymore.

I've tried to do a lot more of other things.
Things like trying to talk to my friends, to him, and letting my feelings flow on my blog.
But words I'm trying and hoping so desperately to get out,
just doesn't seem to be able to be expressed in words,
because the emotions brought along with it are all just so overwhelming.
And there are so many other things I've done to make myself feel better,
and help myself out of where I am stuck now...

But everything I do,
I seem to be counteracting it again.
I've yet to give up on everything.
And I don't intend on giving up.
I'll make sure I'll keep myself holding on.

But I'm just afraid...
Afraid that one day,
I would be too weak to carry holding on..
To keep holding on,
is to keep my life going on,
is to keep my faith strong...

There is only one way out..
And that is to grit my teeth,
bear the pain,
stop cowering in fear,
tolerate the exhaustion..
But I'll make it there,
someday,
somehow..

LOVES;
YUKI.

I hope you understand...
I need your support now,
more then I ever did...
I need you to push me on when I'm getting weak.
Give me a shoulder to lean on when I'm tired.
I need you to protect my trust for you when it starts to waver.
I need your love and care more then I ever used to ask for.

I'm sorry if I'll be like a burden to you.
But I really need you to understand...
Understand that I'm not really as strong as you think I am.
I'm still the same her you know,
I'm not changing...
You have my solemn promise.

But I cant be that hyper, nonsensical, all-too-positive RT all the time now.
But I promise you,
give me some time will you?
For me to get everything straight and back to normal again...
Just promise me,
you'll be there for me,
to wait for me...

Baby,
I'm sorry.

Ignorance .

2009-10-15T10:33:00.004+08:00

Because Of Love .

Since my previous post,
everything was a total opposite of my feelings when i wrote that previous post.
It was as though God knows I'm finally happy,
and has then taken action to prevent my happiness,
and crush all my lofty aspirations.
Ridiculous, isn't it?

Anyone can ask why I'm so unhappy,
but even I cant reply a simple question as to why I'm so down.
It's not that I'm stupid enough not to know why I'm down and upset,
nor it's because I was PMS-ing therefore I have no particular reason why I'm sad or down.
I know what is the cause,
but I have no idea how to explain it.

The past two days, I haven't been slacking with the Clique,
went out for my cousin's wedding on the 13th,
and Mum's birthday dinner on the 14th.
Just two days,
and I'm feeling totally uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable to be with my family,
cause they are so stranger like,
they're just like strangers,
but ironically,
they're strangers I know,
strangers that actually have a expectation of me,
and I have to be even more disciplined and good-girl-like in front of them
then I must be in front of my school Principal.

It's even more uncomfortable to be two days away from the Clique,
cause after two days,
I'm as quiet as I used to be when I was in my previous clique,
the ex-one in school,
that has hurt me like crazy,
and left a deep scar in my heart.

Quiet,
exactly the same as the past,
even though it's a different clique,
from a different place,
with different people,
and what's worst is
I'm even supposed to be the leader of this current Clique.
I'm fear stricken that history would repeat itself.

However,
the most uncomfortable thing of all...
is to have been two days away from him.
I was bored,
really bored when I was out with my family.
The first person I would think of sms-ing is him.
Should that actually be a good thing?
Maybe not so for me,
at least in the way I see it.

I don't want my feelings for him to get mixed up.
Mixed up like the last relationship.
I don't want reliance to be the reason of love I have for him.
Love isn't reliance,
reliance isn't love.
It'll just confuse the meanings and feelings of love.

What's worst is with these two days away from him,
I finally feel the distance getting bigger and bigger.
I cant feel his love anymore.
He took steps,
but steps away from me.

I swore to never ever love a guy more then he loves me again,
he was the first who loves me more then I love him.
But now,
everything's changing.
I'm on the brink of tears,
because I really thought he was different,
but then again, I was proven wrong,
again.

At the same time,
I realized the trust that I tried so desperately to protect since what happen to me last time
in the ex clique,
which was so luckily saved and brought back bit by bit again,
is now slowly fading away again.
Because I cant stop but imagine all sorts of things that he might be doing when I'm not there,
add up with the distance we share now,
it's even easier for me to think up of some nonsensical ideas.

But he isn't to be blame totally.
These two days weren't the start of all my misery,
confusion, and solitude.
During the period of time between the previous post till this post,
I was betrayed again, and again.
I have to review everyone in the Clique one by one again.

Do you know how hurting it is for me to not be able to trust people again?
Everyday I keep having all these ridiculous questions popping up in my head,
and I cant have a single peace of mind to be around anyone,
even though they're my close friends,
and found myself unconsciously on guard 24/7 against anyone who would try to do something.
The most ridiculous thing,
even when I'm at home!

What's wrong with me!!
I'm seriously really very tight up,
especially with 'O' Levels around the corner,
and me not being able to do anything about it,
I'm seriously very hurt, very stress,
and I've got no one to turn to.
I find it so hard to trust again because of the deep scar my ex-clique left when they left me.

This is so exhausting,
and the only source of comfort I can get is to temporarily manage to let myself live in fantasy.
Fantasy as in the sense of music,
TV show dramas,
or sleeping.
I'm starting to even get tired of slacking.
I sometimes don't even want to go down to look for them,
and I don't even want to go home to sit alone.
But all the more,
I don't want to be alone all the time.

我真的好痛苦。
不是普通的痛，
而是痛刺心扉的痛。

LOVES;
YUKI.

This time,
I really must find my stand,
and do what is expected of me.
I'm sorry if I cant fulfill what you hope would come true.
But if I didn't do this,
both you and I would get hurt in the end.
Won't it be better if just one of us takes all the blame?

The same thing, and same reason why I chose to be the one,
because I love you,
love you enough to protect you.
I love you enough to let you go.
At least you gave me the chance to believe in fairy-tales,
you gave me the chance to love again.

But it's time my dreams come to an end,
and it's time for me to wake up.
I know you'll never stop me if I ever were to leave,
I know your love for me isn't the same anymore,
but pain is inevitable.
Be it I act now, or let you hurt me more in the future.

I can't rely on you too much.
I'm afraid reliance will become the reason why I think I love you.
I can't trust you too much.
I'm afraid that trust will kill me all over again.
I can't love you too much.
I'm afraid that love will become my source of misery again.

But I'm sure that now,
I already do love you enough to let you go.
So it's best if I let you go now,
slowly,
bit by bit.
Before it all starts to hurt you too,
just as much as it hurts me now.

I'm sorry,
but I love you.

容祖儿-这就是爱吗

你确定这就是爱吗
真的爱我吗
手牵着手漫步斜阳
就当作浪漫

两个人眺望远方
以为爱的晴朗
当我回头望
却已泪湿了眼眶

当夕阳变成星光
当爱情换了方向
你一如过往对爱太紧张
但未来又会怎样
未知的明天总让我旁徨
谁给我力量

我不怕你爱不爱我
只害怕你以为爱我
抓紧我不算拥有
你总学不会放手
我不怕你不懂爱我
只怕你把习惯当作爱
你猜不透我要什麽

Prove It To Me .

2009-10-09T23:17:00.005+08:00

Your Turn For Answers .

It's been a long, long, long time since I've made a post,
I'm sick(again).
Not as if that is hard to comprehend, is it?
I'm practically ALWAYS sick,
and truth be told,
I AM sick every minute, and every second of my life.
Those who know me well will understand and capture the full idea. (:

The past few days was like a MAJOR questionnaire!
So many darn questions popping up in my head,
like firecrackers lined up for National Day!
Yes, I know.
Exaggerated, but 100% honest!
Contradicting, but acceptable. :D
That's exactly the way I always am huh?
HAHAHAS!

Questions about my 'O' Levels is the most common!
Questions about baby and i is second,
then followed by my pathetically horrid life,
and then it's about how I'm going to handle all these freaking stress which I don't think I can...
Do you get how freaking stress I am now?
And how insomniac I am now?
Urgh! Someone give me a sleeping pill, the strongest kind! (NOW!) ):

Ok,
stressing over things but not settling the problem is stupid.
I know!
And I'm trying to do some shit about my 'O' Levels and my pathetic brain!
I'm studying,
but guess what?
As usual, I'm not discipline enough to sit still,
and even when I do,
NO SHIT IS GOING IN MY BRAIN!
Sorry to say...
But, FUCK STUDIES!

(I know I'm crude, but that's exactly the way I am. :D )
But what am I gonna do now,
seriously...
I'm lacking far far behind,
and I'm running short of time!
If I don't pass 'O' Levels,
I swear,
I rather die then retain or go ITE or continue staying in Singapore in shame!
Tsk.

Ok, and when I pass my 'O' Levels...
I'm gonna work (2 jobs) like I'm a full-time OL,
(For those who don't know shit about what OL is, it's Office Ladies in short.)
do volunteer jobs like I'm a freaking angel (although, I admit that I'm a devil inside :D),
tick off all my wishes and wants on my wanted list like I'm a billionaire,
go drinking like there is no tomorrow,
party like I've never had fun ever in my life,
get my freaking tattoos done like a little girl getting her first barbie doll for Christmas.

Hell yea,
I'm havoc waiting to be unleashed! :D
Wahahahahahahas!
So pray, pray and pray people,
that RT seriously passes her 'O' Levels,
and you're invited to all the freaking high parties that you'll never experience ever again!
:D

I don't give a damn if I end up in Republic Poly or Ngee Ann Poly,
cause as long as I get into a course I really like and I pass my 'O' Levels,
and prove that I've made my own mark,
DARN RIGHT, I'M SATISFIED!
No, I'm not drunk or high.
Just find myself on a relatively high note today,
so that explains why I am actually even bothering to do a post today.
Yes, typically me. :D

Though I seem a tee bit too hyper now,
but my brain's still working perfectly well.
I gotta' take one step a time,
though time is running short,
but rushing isn't going to do me any good.
Cause rushing increases stress level,
and no,
I definitely don't work well with stress.
Pressurize me,
and the next moment,
you see me taking a long holiday off.(:

It's a long shot,
but I'll reach there in time.
This time,
its my turn to break through and make my stand known.
:D
That's really all I ever really wanted.
Simple, and hopefully fulfilled.

Well,
no use of me blabbering on and on and on about what I want and what I wish would happen.
I shall just stop here and go kill more brain cells.
Burning midnight oil recently like "Choo-choo train"!
Ok, my train is behind schedule,
and it's time to set off!
So...
Bye people!
:D

Oh!
Before I go,
a little update on how life has been...
G-squared is still steady and strong like a rock.
Quarrels are (phew!) amazingly little! :D
Baby and I,
well, SWEET!
One more thing, IT'S G-SQUARED'S 4TH MONTH TOMORROW! :D
So,
Hereby wishing G-SQUARED A HAPPY 4TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY!
May the clique stay strong and continue on like this for many more years to come! :D
(Just in case I cant make a dedication post for the clique.. LOLS!)

Ok, now,
Seriously...
BYE!! :D

LOVES;
YUKI .

Baby,
would you please prove it to me,
prove that my feelings I put in wouldn't be in vain?
I don't want this to be just like the other stories where happy endings never come true.
For once,
please fulfill this girl's dream,
to give a happily ever after to the story's ending?

I wanna' believe,
I wanna' go on believing that fairytale stories really do exist.
So don't break my crystal dreams,
at least,
be my exception in all my sad stories.
Don't let the sad songs play again,
I'm tired of listening to love ballads alone.

I want you to always be there beside me,
to share the same earpiece,
with our heads brought close,
listening to the same songs,
tapping our fingers to the same beats,
looking out the same window,
laughing at the same things that make both of us tick.

Prince Charming only appears once in a lifetime,
just don't disappoint me this time round.
I'll give fairy-tales one last chance.
Don't let those promises become nothing but a binding.
I want love, not an agreement.
Cause baby,
I really do,
and to put it simply...
Saya Cinta Kamu.

(I'm not quite sure if I got it right, but I'm still learning, you know?)

Missing Pieces .

2009-09-27T01:41:00.005+08:00

The Rest Is Still Unwritten .

I swear,
I'm taking a lot of things a bit too easy for my own good,
I'm starting to feel so robotic-like.
Life,
damn hell shit,
it ain't anywhere near to good..
But,
I'm like a walking zombie!
Hell ya, I'm definitely RT.

I'm not quite sure how to post up what have been happening recently,
cause everyday is filled with A LOT!
Well, basically,
everyday,
its like one freaking BIG thrill ride to hell!
URFF!

I seriously have no idea how to post up everything,
cause it's been such a long time since i last posted,
and it's well known that RT suffers from acute STM,
I really, seriously cant post up everything!
Especially not after the past two days.=.=

Well, I can still remember the past two days.
So I shall just talk about the past two days. :D
It wont be that bad anyways. LOLS!
So, here goes nothing...

Friday, 25th Sep,
went to school for 'O' Level Prelims,
that day had Georg and Physics.
I confirm fail.]]:
After that went back to meet Baby, Margeet and Shafiq.
Home-d to change.
Baby followed me home.

After changing,
went to buy cig,
met the rest at study corner,
then we met up with Azmi,
after which we headed out for RC to play pool.
After playing pool,
headed down to Azmi's house to use comp and eat.

On our way down to Azmi's house,
Shafiq did the funniest thing ever!
He kept yelling out to the bangala workers in lorries moving past us on the highway.
He kept calling out to them,
and did A LOT of stupid things!
HAHAS! I took 2 videos!
But, I wont upload it just yet.
HAHAS. A bit bastard if I did that.=.=

OH!
&&,
Azmi's mum's kueh is freaking nice!
Well, the guys wanted to drink.
So we went to Sheng Shiong to buy Vodka.
The guys waited for me at the Fitness Centre nearby,
while I went to buy,
and yes,
RT can buy pass.. =.=

We then headed back to court,
Shafiq left,
dark corner got people,
the guys didn't play soccer that night.
We all headed out to Clementi Woods,
and played 3-6-9, and 7-UP.
Baby drank the most,
and yes he got wasted.

Sent Baby to West Coast Plaza to relieve himself.
I tahan all the way,
but I was kinda wasted too.
Headed back to court,
and that was when I couldn't control myself anymore and started acting abit drunk again.

The three guys got damn worried bout me,
and was damn scared of police coming.
Baby tried to hold on to me,
and take care of me,
but he was feeling very giddy,
so he got Margeet and Azmi to take care of me.
Home-d at 2300hours that night.

Saturday, 26th Sep.
Met Baby at 1300hours at 612,
bought cig,
went back to study corner,
slacked there awhile,
then Baby and me went opposite to buy Bubble Tea,
and back to wait for bus.

Took bus 51 down to Bugis.
Went to Bugis Street to shop.
Bought another watch.
We then left to eat at Long John Silver,
after that Baby and I went back to Bugis Street again to walk around somemore.

Bought myself a Mini Jeans Shorts,
and bought Baby a bermudas.
We then took 197 back to West St 1.
After reaching back to West St 1,
went to St 2 to go Azmi's house to meet the rest.

Slacked at Azmi's house.
Played cards,
rested,
listened to song,
and left.
Went to court to waited for Alvin and gang to come down to play soccer.

The guys played soccer for 20+ mins,
and we then headed out for Clementi Woods again,
and this time, Shafiq came with us to drink,
while Indra and Pradeep just tagged along.
The guys forgot to bring the Coke along,
and left it at soccer court,
so in the end I ran back to take for them.
Alvin helped pass it to me,
Thank You. :D

Drank and played 3-6-9 and 7-UP again.
Shafiq and Pradeep left after Shafiq's two cups.
Baby and I aren't wasted this time round,
the three guys limited my drinking and didn't let me drink more.
Azmi drank finish everything by himself in the end.
Kudos for you man! :D

Back to soccer court,
slacked there for awhile,
then to playground underneath my block to slack.
Indra left before us cause his aunt was going to his house.
The rest of slacked more.
Baby sent me home.
Home-d at 2230hours.

Well,
that's really all I can remember.
Really.
Lols.
So sorry,
but my memory was never good..
Unless its something like a must to remember,
for example - History? LOLS!!!!

Ok...
Whatever.
I guess I shall just stop here.
It's already 300am in the morning,
and my head still kinda hurts from the drinking.
So,
Bye people!

LOVES;
YUKI.

Baby,
why does it seem as though there are missing pieces in our relationship?
Where have all the trust gone to?
Why do you make me feel so confused?
Why do I feel all these are just my illusions of perfection?

Is it because of what happened to me before,
that I find it hard to believe something good can happen to me now?
Or are my doubts really NOT uncalled for?
Or is it because I'm too much in love with you that I'm afraid that I'll lose you soon,
and this is all too good to be true?

I want this to be real,
real and clear.
I want this to last,
last longer than forever...
Baby,
I trust you.
I swear I do,
but it's me I don't trust anymore.

Baby,
I love you.
Please show it to me, for us,
that all this ain't just my dreams...

Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten .
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Our 2nd .

2009-09-27T01:02:00.004+08:00

Wishes Upon A Shooting Star,
That Forever Is For Real .

2nd Month yesterday,
and I'm sorry for this late post.
I just managed to get hold of the comp after a very very long time.
But still,
its better then nothing right? (:

I'm sorry baby,
if I'm always bringing you troubles,
if I'm constantly making you worry about me,
if I'm constantly creating troubles,
and I'm constantly the reason for all our quarrels.

But baby...
Thank you.
Thank you for always being there for me,
supporting me whenever something crops up,
for making me feel so important,
for being sensitive to my every feeling,
and for caring for my health.

I know all these apologies and thank you(s) ain't gonna be enough,
&&, a post ain't gonna be sufficient,
but baby,
I'm sincere about all the apologies and all my every bit of feelings..
Feelings that comes into my mind so naturally when I think about you.

Baby,
I love you.(:

Solitary Soul .

2009-09-18T10:30:00.005+08:00

A Predilection For Solitude .

I cant make a post explaining what happen recently,
but i know i can always explain how i feel,
cause i wont run away from whatever is happening,
or however I'm feeling.
I will keep myself sober no matter how hurtful everything seems to be.

I try to be positive in whatever I do,
because I believe that being positive yourself,
will always bring joy to others.
And if I'm not positive and joyous myself,
I cant make the people i care for happy.
So all the time,
I try to look at life with the most positive thoughts ever.

But, I'm still human after-all.
Feeling negative is not impossible.
In my life,
everyday is to be lived to my fullest,
cause that's how my health has forced me to adapt to it.
& no, I'm not complaining.
I'm just explaining.

Yesterday night,
I felt like a failure again.
It really isn't the first time i felt that way.
I'm not used to it,
but i stand up again...
and I always will...
Only sometimes,
it takes so much longer then ordinary times.

I don't deny that I'm a rebel with an average good girl's intelligence.
A girl with a mask on every second of my life,
a girl who steps on the accelerator,
and charges head first into every challenge.
I don't deny I'm girl with a reason to rebel...
Nor do I deny that eerie silence surrounds me all the time,
and I'm a girl of a thousand thoughts.
I'm different, but not special.
I'm me,
and that's why I'm living life this way...

I've never blamed a single soul for how solitary my life seems to be.
I don't regret the road I took,
or the rules I set for my game,
I don't hate the principles that i must stick to,
or the problems I've got to face to finish this journey.
They make me stronger,
clearer,
smarter,
and much more mature.

I can't say I regret being me,
cause I'm not suffering in the worst condition in the world,
and I'll remember that for life.
I know very well,
no one can help me, protect me,
support me or be there fully for me throughout my journey.

But,
I will still do my very best to finish this road,
no matter how solitary it is,
and I will fufill my dream of bringing joy,
help, and faith to others that are in need of it in the world...

Today...
Rt just grew up that little bit more.
I know now,
I cant run or hide from the fact,
I'll be alone, and always will...
I'm ok now..
Falling is inevitable,
but standing again is a plus.
& I,
did it.

LOVES;
YUKI.

I love you,
but I don't want this love to become a form of dependence.
I can't love you the same again,
I've to let go of you slowly bit by bit,
because I don't want to be hurt again in the same way i did as yesterday.

I know you love me,
but I don't know what you love me for...
I can't pretend it didn't happen,
I just can't let it go...
Not yesterday..
I'm sorry.

Do you know how lonely I'm feeling now,
how afraid I am now?
I wish you are the one who could stop my heart from bleeding,
but you can never be the one to prevent this fear for relationship,
now that it is totally edged into my heart,
my mind,
and my life.

I don't blame you,
because I knew the way you re-acted yesterday was because you care...
and because you really love me.
I can only accept it,
accept that nothing is gonna change what happened yesterday...
I'm sorry,
but you should have seen it coming...
I love you,
but I see no more fairytale ending...

I never understood the lyrics of this song,
about how would a person love a person enough to let one go...
But now,
I do...

Cause I don't wanna hurt you..
I would cry for you, but I don't wanna see you crying for me again.
& just like what I said before when you asked,
I would die for you...
So,
This pain is mine to bear,
you just have to understand..

Baby,
I love you,
& for you,
my thoughts are killing me...

I love you so much that I've got to start trying to let go.

Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone 

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone

life chapters .

2009-09-07T22:33:00.008+08:00

The Mystery That No One Will Ever Solve .

Flashbacks,
to me,
are unpreventable.
I cant avoid them,
because so many things of the present reminds me of the past.

However way i try to avoid them,
they keep re-enacting in front of me...
Like a broken tape that never moves again...
It's just like it's trying to remind me of my unhappy past out of mockery!

Is this a prank or joke that God is trying to play on me?
Is this some kind of another trial or challenge that I've got to overcome again?
Why cant i be just left alone to my own dreamland now?
But,
I should have known...
Just as the Chinese saying goes...

Even the grandest feast in the world,
will have to come to an end one day...
Meaning, all happy times have to come to an end one day...
Nothing lasts forever...
especially happiness.

I know I mustn't run nor hide from the fact.
Its not the past that matters, but the present.
But does this include opening up old wounds from the past that I took so long to heal?
I'm not one who'll hide or avoid whatever future brings,
all thanks to my past I'm not that weak little girl,
but, I'm definitely am one who is afraid of the "replay button".

But whatever happens in the future...
Whoever it'll benefit...
I'll take it like I never did before.
I'll grow as time goes.
I'll become stronger, and more mature,
as fate changes everything, and anything.
Because, I'm already much more different then before...

Enough on self-reflection first...
And enough on self-explained emotions.
I will just get on to post how RT rode her emotional roller-coaster today.
The emotional roller coaster today... was rather gentle.

A bit of conflicts in the day was what made me hot-tempered.
Movie period was a gentle uphill ride for my emotional roller coaster.
Tution has left me going straight, with no ups and no downs...
Just really tired.
The small period between after tuition and before dinner was a downhill slide,
as my temper rises...

Dinner was like a thrilling speed ride up to the peak.
It was only until we were back at West St 1,
and after the guys soccer that my roller coaster was going down,
down and down...
slowly and it had even gave me a break stop at the cinemas for some old film.=.=
(Flashbacks, i meant.)

Well,
details for the down parts aren't really necessary i guess..
There's too much to be said,
and a very lazy RT,
so,
it just doesn't give me a proper equation
to produce a detailed reason for my unhappiness.

Moreover,
I don't think focusing on unhappiness is what I should do...
Let live and let learn, right?
(If i didn't get that sentence wrongly.)
Moreover,
there really isn't a point for me to worry now,
since there isn't anything i can do about it now.

SOOOOOOOOOOO....
Today has been an overall good day.(I guess.)
Woke up at 0800am in the morning.
Met Baby and Margeet at 11.
Met Azmi in Cold Storage.
Bought a lot of snacks and drinks.

We then made our way to my house.
Reached my house to watch movie.
Shafiq came a bit later.
That joker went to another unit instead of my unit.=.=
In the end, he still came.

Watched Fantastic 4, rise of the silver surfer,
and after watching that,
watched abit of MTV,
then we watched Spongebob Squarepants.
It was fun! =D

The clique kept me company till it was 1430,
when my tuition started.
Tuition lasted 2hours.
Downloaded songs for Margeet and Baby after tuition.
Went down to meet the rest at shelter.
Bought cig,
cabbed down to my club.

Had Dinner,
and back to west st 1.
The guys played soccer,
i watched.(as usual.)
Then it's a bit pointless to post this part up...
So...
It's gonna just be...
blank, blank, blank. (:
Home-d at 2230.(OBVIOUSLY!)

Well,
that's really all i gotta say...
Cause today,
RT is really not feeling up to mood...
She's having a lot of UNHAPPY flashbacks.
But, RT is gonna stick to her principles and live up to her character.
I'm not gonna run away from it,
hide from it,
or avoid it.
I'll take whatever the future brings with a heart unfazed by any storm.

LOVES;
YUKI.

Life,
coming to see it when you take a look back...
It's like a diary,
a story...
A story you may want to change so badly,
but you definitely ain't got that power to do anything about it.

My life has brought me on a trip that has given me a variety of almost everything.
It's brought me to the brightest of streets,
where you'll find those great glory days that no one could ever give up,
and also brought me to the darkest part of streets,
where you find the deepest, darkest secrets of life,
and get all your life-changing experiences from...

Both this streets have both it's benefits and disadvantages.
The brightest of streets brings you joy and makes life seem oh-so-great.
It allows you to understand how life really works...
Rewards comes with whatever you put through...
But it only shows the innocents the sweets and candy of life.
But its candy well-gained for those deserving,
but delusion and an illusion of perfection for those who are over believing.

The darkest of streets brings out all the fears of each individual,
it shows you the dark side of life,
and that's when a person finally grows up and realize that life ain't all bout' sweets.
It allows one to learn from experiences, and live their life better.
You improve a great deal with every challenge overcomed.
Its medicine for the weak and the sad.

Neither these two streets can exist without the other...
And I've had my fair share of both this two streets.
But I can tell everyone very honestly,
neither this two streets are totally sweet, nor totally bitter.
It both shares an importance in every individual's life.
I, treasure both this streets, cause these two streets are my life...

I've gone to the darkest corners,
and survived my journey.
I'll re-look through my diary as if my life depends on it.
Stayed in the great Heaven once,
but I've dropped from heaven,
down to earth,
then found myself falling 10ft under,
falling deeper,
I soon found myself falling too deep,
on my way to the other end of Heaven- Hell.

Then i slowly made my way back up,
Miles by miles, I'll slowly add up.
Till I'm back to the middle of life..
where everything remains it's perfect balance of both sides.
Where, there isn't a cloud of illusion,
nor a pit of burning doom.
Just two average choices to everything in life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

2009-09-06T01:49:00.004+08:00

DEDICATION !

BIRTHDAY WISHES AGAIN!
GUESS WHO?!
...

WELL,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAFIQ!!! [[:

Anyways, hopefully you'll have a great b'day with the clique,
and not be too hurt by the guy's b'day bash...
And hopefully, your entrance into the clique is a happy wish fufilled![[:

SO,
RT hereby wishing you a....
VERY HAPPYYYYYYYY BIRTHDAY!!!!
May you stay SUPER healthy!!!...
And please uh,
quit while you still can...!~
OH, & Study hard too! [[:

LOVES;
YUKI.

emotional roller coaster .

2009-09-06T00:17:00.003+08:00

Defining Love .

The past few days have been a REAL roller-coaster ride for me.
It was like riding a never ending one,
and it was really starting to take a toll on my mind, and heart.
One moment's like I'm riding high on cloud nine,
and the next... Is just like free-falling down to hell.
It's simply crazy, you know!?

Ok, maybe not really crazy...
Cause when I'm "free-falling down to hell",
the clique is still there for me...
so yea, its not really all that bad...
But when I'm high on cloud nine,
that's when its as though I'm drunk...
But, obviously the clique is still there for me.. =D

Ok, talking about the clique...
Its no longer 7G(SQUARED)...
But just 6G(SQUARED).
It wasnt just one who left that made it 6G(SQUARED),
but two,
and when two left, one joined.
CONFUSING?!

I don't really want to go into detail for that,
because it hurts me damn bad...
I miss the both of them...
But I know they wont...
It was what brought me on my "free-falling trip down to hell",
and i swear, i was crying when I'm "free-falling".
It's like a mini re-enactment of the past...
Freaky(DEFINITELY), and hurtful(SUPER HURTFUL).

Well, anyways...
I couldn't blog for the past few days...
Cause I didn't really know how to post,
cause I'm high one moment and not the next...
So my blog is gonna be damn crap...=.=
So, I'm just gonna do as much posting as I can...
As we all know, RT suffers from acute STM. :)

So, the past few days...
Slacking is definite.
Pooling is the routine breaker.
Soccer was a plus-plus for the guys.
Shopping is super bonus.
And going home at 2230 is obvious.
Get the whole picture?

As for Yesterday?
I can blog more, and in detail...
Cause my STM isn't really that bad yet. =D
(& yes, I'm pleased with today.)
=D

Yesterday(meaning Saturday, 5th Sep 2009),
Woke up at 1030,
thanks to the help of baby and Margeet.
Baby asked Margeet to give me morning call,
cause I asked him to give me morning call.
So, went to watch tv for awhile.
And went online wanting to blog...
But decided not to.

Bathed, and went out.
Went to block 612 to buy cig first,
then to block 717(Clinton and Azmi's block)
to meet Baby, Margeet, Clinton, Azmi, and Shafiq our new member.
& OMG, Margeet pierced his lips again(by himself!),
and he finally has his "snake-bite".
Well, we then walked to take bus 176 to go Mt Faber Safra.
Went there and wanted to play pool.
But no table cause got tournament.

So in the end,
the guys played one hour of snooker.
Baby and i went to Ya Kun to eat while the rest played.
After that the rest didn't want to play snooker anymore.
So, we all went to take cab down to Jurong Point Safra.
We went in two cabs,
at first only suppose to be Shafiq, Baby and me.
Then Margeet, Clinton and Azmi another cab.

But once we settled the group thing,
I turned around and straight away a cab came,
so i hailed it and it came.
so in the end, Margeet came with us.
HAHAHAHAS. So damn funny!

Well, anyways,
reached there to play pool.
DAMN EX CAN?!
10.80 PER HOUR!
WTF? And the place damn noisy,
and also not enough cue sticks.=.=
Fuck-ed up.

But we went there so that Shafiq could play,
cause he is not 16 yet,
and cant enter RC with us,
so we just did that to accommodate to him.
SEE, aren't we just simply good?
HAHAHAHAS.

Anyways, after that,
we walked over to Jurong Point since its so close.
Went straight to Bluez.
Margeet and i both pierced our ears.
I wanted to re-pierce the second hole on my left ear,
but there was still a lump there...
So I'm kinda scared.
So instead, I went on to pierce my right ear,
and so did Margeet.

And now, I've regretted not re-piercing my second hole on my left ear.
Cause i realised i could pierce it higher.
LOLS.
Stupid right? ZZZZ...
But I really do love my second piercing on my right ear. =D
And Margeet? He LOVES his piercing on his right ear even more then i love mine.
That fella went ecstatic over it.=.=
But, he now looks like a Pai-Kia.
HAHAHAHAHAS.

After that, we went to spade for Azmi to look at his clothes.
We then walked around abit more.
Shafiq then parted with us.
He went to take bus 30,
while we took bus 198 cause we wanted a shorter bus trip,
and he didn't want to have to walk up the over-head bridge.=.=

We then stopped at RC.
Went to play pool.
Played for 2 hours.
Had alot of fun!
But the guys played 3 rounds,
and i played only 2.
UNFAIR! GRRR....
But nevermind uhs,
HAHAHAS, as long as i had fun and so did they.

We then headed back to West St 1,
watched the guys play soccer.
Stopped playing at 2200,
then went to pondok to slack for awhile.
While slacking at pondok,
we did some really cute things.

We 5 people rolling one stick cause there were 6 sticks left.
I started first,
3 drags each, and the rule was must be long drag.
We wanted to finish that one stick in one round.
And true enough, it ended in one round.

After that, we wanted to start smoking all at the same time.
So, we had to light our cig at the same time.
So Margeet took one lighter,
and we all went into a circle...
All of us went close together to light our cigs together at the same time.
Tell me, ain't that just simply adorable?!
HAHAHAS!
Home-d at 2230 as usual.

Well, that's all i really got to say.
I dont really have much to say now or blog in detail now...
Cause my brain is running low, VERY LOW on brain juice.
So, i shall save some up before i end up acting like a retard.=.=
So.....
Goodnights people!
BYE! =D

LOVES;
YUKI.

Defining Love was never easy,
but for me to define what love was about,
i knew it was something to do with you...
Cause when someone said anything about defining whatever love was about,
you appeared in my mind at that very moment,
and i somehow couldn't get you out...
But, i didn't even want you out in the first place...

Baby,
I see you in my tomorrow,
in my week after,
my month after,
and my ever after...

no beauty queen .

2009-08-30T22:56:00.003+08:00

Wannabe Punk Rock Chic .

Rt's confused,
really really confused...
About the same reason I always am...
About love and relationship...
But, I wont let this affect me from being a responsible blogger.

Today I woke up at 5am,
thinking it's actually Monday..
I went to bathe,
change into my school uniform..
And that was when my mum woke up and woke me up.
LOLS! =X

I think I'm seriously stressing too much over school!
PFFT! I swear I'm gonna drive myself crazy one day,
just by wanting to leave New Town that bad!
LOLS! I seriously cant wait to leave New Town,
and of course... IN STYLE!!! =X

Well, after that, I obviously went back to sleep!(DUH!)
Woke up damn late,
chiong bathe,
went to meet baby for awhile to pass him 4 sticks,
then ran in the rain to take cab to pick Shiro up.

Then cabbed down to my club where I treated him to his B'day lunch.
I hope he enjoyed it. :D
So after that,
cabbed back.
Sent Shiro back to Central first then down to meet clique.

Went to baby's house to meet baby, Margeet, Shafiq and Azmi.
Then went to West Coast Plaza after that.
Then went to 612 for me to buy cig.
After buying, we straight took bus to West Coast RC...
We suddenly decided to play pool.

Played for one hour.
Back to West St 1.
Went to 7-11,
wanted eat noodles,
but decided not to.
Then went opposite to buy waffles.

Saw Clinton on the way,
all of us convinced him to come slack with us.
He then asked us to go play pool again.
We all agreed.
Azmi and Clinton went home first to break fast and drink chilled beer respectively.

While Baby, Margeet and I went to 601 to eat our waffles,
drink our bubble tea, and play cards while waiting for them.
Around 7, we went to block 717 to meet the both of them.
Walked to West Coast RC to pool.
Pool-ed two hours.

We went off at 2200.
The back gate was locked,
so we had to jump over it,
or either walk the long way(overhead bridge.),
& obviously we would choose jump right?

Baby jumped first then Azmi.
The both of them jump look so easy...
So Clinton went next...
He stunned there for a few seconds...
Cause he didn't know how to jump down.
HAHAS!(Kena called scaredy-cat!)

Then next was my turn,
I straight jump down,
and cause i was wearing a shoe that was something like high heels,
i hurt my heels damn bad! (PFFT!)
After me was Margeet's turn.

Margeet jump damn funny!
He went like... "NOW! It's my turn!~"
Then he jump up high,(AND FAR!)
he jumped so high,
that when he landed, he was on all fours, and his knees too.
He landed with a "BANG".
HAHAHAHAHAHS! You understand what I'm trying to say?

We were all smoking when we were jumping over,
so it was damn WTF.
Especially mine,
my "Sabre tooth" fringe was blowing onto my lit-ed cig.
I was so damn worried it'll burn my fringe. PFFT.

The jumping didn't worry me,
nor did the height,
or the pain...
Just the burning of my precious fringe. =.=
Girly, but not totally girly. PFFFT!

Reached back West St 1 at 2217.
Slacked for another few more minutes till it was 2230 before i went home.
Home-d at 2235 exactly.

Had a lot of fun today.
Had, in total, 3 hours of pool!
And freak was today F**king cold!
ZZZ, all of us were almost turning into ice statues.
Our hands were all numbing like siao!
EEEE!~

But on the whole,
at least i got to enjoy,
and relax myself with the clique. :D
And now, I'm kinda tired, but I doubt I can even sleep.
URGH....

Tomorrow will be ending school at 1020hours,
going to meet Baby and Clinton tomorrow,
then will be going down to Qifa and Tanglin area there.
Since it's both nearby.
The both of them going back to Tanglin,
and I'm going back to Qifa.

After that,
Baby and I would most probably go down to Bugis to buy our watches.
Then back to go my Club to swim with the rest of Clique.
Can't wait, i guess.
So I shall go get some rest(hopefully, i can...),
and stop myself from thinking about things I don't wanna think about.

SO...~
Good nights People!
Bye Bye!!!

LOVES;
YUKI.

Why do I feel that you're no longer that much in love with me?
Why do I feel you're somehow getting tired of me.
I know I'm not the kinda girly ordinary kinda girl you'll find everyday,
nor am I that kinda girl who is gentle and quiet,
or a girl with a pretty face or a great body.

I know I'm a girl with tons of attitude,
and tons of nonsense...
I know I'm not perfect in MANY ways...
I'm sorry...
But does that mean I can only hold on to your attention for such a short time?

I'm 100% sure my feelings towards you isn't the kind of an infatuation,
But I really do hope that it isn't the case for you...
Cause now, I'm very sure that I'm in love with you.
Why do I not feel that I'm the kinda girl you really want..

Why do I feel you're slipping through my very grip,
this very moment...
When all I really hope...
Is for this feeling to stay, and last...

Baby, I don't wanna just keep saying I love you...
I don't wanna be the one who is always trying to let you know I love you...
I wanna know you love me too...
Just the way I'm loving you.

I'm sorry.
But till then,
I really can't love you the same...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

2009-08-30T22:46:00.003+08:00

Dedication,
Happy Birthday ! :D

JOUCHYUAN/SHIRO!~

Firstly,
I'm sorry I didnt wish you a happy birthday at 0000hours yesterday.
But I'm not gonna miss out on giving you a special dedication on my blog. :D
SO....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOUCHYUAN!!! :D

I hope you enjoyed your lunch today,
and although I didnt manage to spend much time with you today to make your B'day great,
but still...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Older by a year, but years ain't short,
so make the fullest out of all your years..!
I have faith in you!~ :D
So GANBATTE for your studies, future and everything in life!

With much love! :D

LOVES;
YUKI.

trust, its the key word .

2009-08-30T00:09:00.005+08:00

A Little Too Afraid .

Blogger is still weirdified,
but.... RT managed to edit html to make it look normal!
But i still cant upload pictures...
S-T-U-P-I-D!!!! PFFT!
But nevermind,
I will still post... :D
(RT SO GUAI!)

Okays, I dont really have a photographic memory,
So, I will just try my best to post in detail,
but if i cant,
I will still do some summarizing here and there.. :D

&, one more thing before i start my actual posting...
My bro is going crazy over arsenal soccer match now!(SO DARN NOISY!!!)
Urff, my bro can really be kinda nerdish at times.
pfft.(So different from RT right?! MWAHAHAHAHAHAS!)
No wonder he's the more favored child in the family. :/
HAHAHAHAS, but I still love my bro! :D

On the 25th of August, Tuesday,
I didnt go to school.
Cause I was damn damn tired!!!
I swear i was going to faint if i didnt take a day off.
PFFT. RT was dead beat! :(
Met baby in the afternoon,
slacked with him for a short period of time,
then went home to have tuition at cant remember what time. (URFF!)

Tuition lasted for 2 hours,
LOLS, met baby and Indra after that at shelter.
Sat there and slacked awhile.
Felt damn hungry after that...

Went to the market to eat with baby. :D
While Indra went home to change out.
After that, baby accompanied me to go see doctor.
Got two days MC,
After that, went to Jalan Mas Puteh area to buy cig.

Back to meet Indra to slack.
Margeet didnt slack with us that night cause he was going to study,
while Clinton came down a little bit later to slack with us. LOLS!
As for what happen during then,
I cant really remember. :/
(F**k! STM-ing!)
But i remember that i home-d at 2230.
That's all. LOLS!

26TH of August, Wednesday .
Super special day!
Didnt go school either,
but had to fake go school cause dad wont let me stay home.
Met Baby in the morning.
Passed him his present,
and i hope he likes it.[[:

Walked to 7-11 to buy drinks.
On our way there, saw Shafiq.
Bought drinks, then Shafiq went to school.
Baby and i walked to Clementi Woods Park to decide where to go next.
We walked here and there, here and there.
And half way through, I suddenly started to zi high.=.=

Baby then decided he wanted to take a bus ride to nowhere.=.=
So we got on to bus 143...
Stopped at Plaza Sing, to go use the toilet,
after using the toilet,
went to buy drink at 7-11,
then went to bread talk to buy bread.

We sat outside Plaza Sing to eat while talking about stuff.
We then took bus down to QueensWay cause we wanted to buy our ear stud.
But when we reached, the shops were still close.
So we went over to the shopping mall beside Queensway shopping centre.
It was Baby's first time there, and my second.

We went to two interesting shops to shop.
I bought Baby a lighter for his present too.
Hope he likes that too(although its already broken.)
We then went back over to look for our ear stud,
but couldnt find any that we like...
So we went back to west st 1 instead...

Okies, that's all i can remember...
This post was intact and complete in the first place when i first blogged it..
But because of this fucking weirdified blogger,
three quarter of my post is gone...
heng i can still remember the important time spent with baby.
I seriously swear im suffering from STM!(URGH!!!)
So now, its like one portion of my memory has been eaten up...

I'm feeling sooooo pissed!!!
Can I sue Blogger?!
EEEEE!~
Freaking FUCKING irritating!
Great, this thing just ruined my mood big time!):

Anyways, i cant remember the rest of the post...
so...
Bye people...

LOVES;
YUKI.
(last updated 07'09'09)

th special 31st day !

2009-08-26T16:22:00.005+08:00

Special post on this special 31st day,
specially for the special you .

HAPPY 1 MONTH BABY !
May the happy days be never-ending . :D
I Love You ! :D
WITH MUCH LOVES .
-YUKI .

LOVES;
YUKI.

And great! Blogger is freaking weird... AGAIN ! URGH ! I'm seriously getting pissed with blogger ! I'm so gonna complain ! PFFT ! At least I know how to edit the HTML, so it isnt so bad for now. The only bad part is I cant make a PROPER dedication with pictures. So sorry! Nvm, This isnt going to be the proper dedication... Just the temp one... I'll make a better dedication next time when blogger isnt so weirdified , and I'll upload pictures too !:D

Different, & better .

2009-08-24T23:10:00.003+08:00

She's Starting fresh .
She's Heading out again .
She's me .

I'VE FINALLY UPDATED MY BLOGSKIN!
&&, I LOVE IT! :D
&. One more thing,
Blogger is weirdified.(AGAIN!)
I emphasize... AGAIN!

Been damn boring recently.
Cause it's fasting period,
Ilyas cant come down.
And he seems to be distancing from the clique.
Indra comes down once in awhile.
And Clinton practically goes out with his GF everyday.

Only left with Margeet, Baby and me.
SOOOOOO boring!
But at least today Indra came down to slack too!
So I'm happy to see him again! :D
Plus, its the starting of the week,
so Alvin and his group of soccer friends wont come down soon.
So no soccer for the guys.
Plus its fasting period,
so Ilyas and many others wont come down... ):

Well, school's been normal,
nothing much different...
Equally chiong, equally boring.
And still making me equally stress and tired!
Urgh, Pfft!

But today's lessons were KINDA interesting..
And I dont think much in school is going to interest me, so its really just KINDA!
Of course other then meeting my dearest best friend,
my bastard buddy...
Desmond Woo. :D

A stupid assembly by our tyrant-like principal was what made school DRAMATIC,
and really military-like, and Hitler-rule-like,
jokes were what kept today's S4E3 awake,
and a SUPER rude Mr Sem was what got me scolding "F**k you!" in class.

Mdm Neo, our "dear, loving, caring and sweet" principal,
made the 4E, 4N and 5N students stay back after assembly...
and guess what for...
TO MAKE US GREET HER, LOUD!
And she wasted the graduating class's precious lesson time to greet her.
STUPID RIGHT!?

Classes had to stand up one by one to greet her...
till she is pleased then we can go..
Poor Mr James Koh brought S4N5 up to greet her,
the whole level and sec 5 heard,
but she was too busy scolding a student that she didnt hear,
and in the end she scolded Mr Koh when he wanted to bring S4N5 back to class.
SO DAMN TYRANT LIKE!
& she scolded him after Mr Koh already said sorry!
Pfft, stupid principal! I complain MOE!!!! URGH!

S4E3 went 3rd to greet her.
Classes were suppose to stand up whenever we were ready.
We were damn loud, cause we had more boys. TEEHEE! :D
I just moved my lips... HAHAHAHAS!
She can SERIOUSLY wait long long for me to greet her after she just acted so hitler like!
PFFT.

It was Mother Tongue class.
Those not re-taking MT paper, go AVA room.
I was re-taking, so i stayed in class.
Amazingly, I really did bother,
first time in all my years in New Town,
i actually payed attention to MT class! :D(Clap la!? Sorry, I know I'm lame.=.=)
LOLS!

Well, next was CME,
used CME lesson to do Math,
and there was a voting thingy going on to vote for teachers for teacher's day,
every year also have one..=.=
I also couldnt be bothered.
But the guys vote until damn funny.

Recess was next,
stayed in class to continue doing Math.
After Recess, was Math lesson.
3 PERIODS!
Thank God,
Mrs Ng told quite a fair bit of jokes today to keep us awake.
HAHAS.

After Maths was Social Studies!
PFFT!
Got test, and I scolded Mr Sem "F**K YOU!".
Cause he say all of us would be crying at the end of the year when we get back results,
and some more...
which pissed me off, plus i was having a headache.
I didnt know what i was doing.
LOLS.
Haiqal tried to cool me down.
LOLS.

English was next,
Mrs Singh went to English O level Oral,
so we had free period.
Mr Goh took over.
So we went to DNT room for last period.
Mr Goh let us off early for those who have already dropped DNT.

Took bus home.
Reach bustop, bus come already.
HAHAS, lucky me. :D
If not i would have to wait till pass 1408 for the next bus.
Went to study corner to meet baby.
Met Shafiq and Indra,
then i went home at 1545 to change.
And went down to slack again.

Quite a not bad day,
just that night time was seriously, i swear...
DAMN BORING!!!!
zzz. pfft.
Well, Indra and Margeet went home at 2145 or so,
while Baby and i slacked till 2230 before i went home and he went home.

Been such a freaking freaking freaking long time since I've done a post like this.
Bro isnt coming home tonight,
only tomorrow morning..
Cause of his camp shift thing..
So i get to use the comp tonight,
but the bad thing is...
My parents are in a freaking bad mood.
And, i sense a fever coming down again...
Cause i feel sick-ish...):

Well, I guess I shall stop here since i dont really have much left to say.
Plus Im feeling damn tired...
Running out of energy... urgh..
Plus Imma' go sms Baby now.
Sooooooo...
Bye people!(or person again..)
LOLS!

LOVES,
YUKI.

29DAYS.
Countdown-
And 2 more days to go.

Baby,
You're different,
you're special,
and much more important,
I Love You.

attitude, with my own style .

2009-08-23T01:17:00.007+08:00

The Girl With The Attitude You Wish You Had,
But You'll Never Have.

Blogger is back to normal again!!!
WOOTS! I can post up all of my photos again!!!
(FINALLY!)
But, i cant post it up tonight.
Maybe just one picture.
HAHAS.
And, btw, I'm gonna change my blogskin soon! :D

Gosh, been such a long time since i last posted.
Cause my bro comes home every night...
So i cant even use the comp./:

And now,
my bro wants to use the comp again.
So I must blog damn fast...
I cant blog in detail(again).
I can only summarize again.
Sorry people,
or person again.
LOLS!

But still...
Its actually quite a good thing that my bro comes home every night,
cause my parents wont be so moody,
and start nagging non stop about me..
LOL! :D

Well, life's been quite normal...
and Rt has been on an emotional roller-coaster recently.
(MY HEAD'S GONNA BURST! I SWEAR!)
But, like i said the last time round..
IM NOT PMS-ING!!!!
I SWEAR I REALLY AM NOT!
Oops, I think i just over-reacted.../:
Lols!

Got back O level results for Chinese recently.
I've got a B3...
And I cried...
I want a min A2...
URGH!
Therefore, Rt's gonna retake Chinese.../:

After taking back my O level results,
I've kinda started chiong-ing a lot.
I've been concentrating a lot in class.
I no longer sms in class.
I use recess to revise.

Study when slacking with clique.
And only take one day off revising at night.
And i actually bother to study for my tests.
LOLS!
(RT deserves a prize!!! :D)
Oh, and I just had my O level English Oral not too long ago on Friday.
Hopefully I pass with flying colors!/:

Well, there really isnt much to say now...
But just to thank Clique for being there for me,
and tolerating my attitude for the pass few days.
Thank Bastard for always being there for me no matter what,
and being my best friend be it rain or shine.

And most importantly,
Thank baby for being so tolerant with my attitude,
and my temper.
And for being so sweet and caring no matter what,
and showing me how much i meant to you...
But also,
Sorry baby,
for the quarrels, the misunderstandings,
and all the words and actions i never meant to say or show.

To put it short,
they're all my LOVE!
And now, all my motivation to do well in life. :D

Well,
I should stop here now.
Cause my bro is getting kinda very impatient.
and its quite late now anyways.
SOOOOOO....
BYE people,
or person!
:D

LOVES;
YUKI.

Baby,
Have i ever told you how much I'm in love with you?
I'm sorry if I'm not perfect..
But, you're perfect the way just the way you are to me..
I've got this little secret 'bout you...
This little secret, a little wish,
that I want so badly to come true...

Not so ordinary .

2009-08-16T22:42:00.005+08:00

Blogger is WEIRDIFIED!!!

Long time no post.
Basically because of the weird things that have been happening to blogger.
It looks as though it's been downgraded or some sort.
(Did I miss out on anything?)
Cant blog in my usual style cause of... BLOGGER AGAIN!
URGH! This blogger thing is making me damn pissed! ]]:

Well, there is nothing much different in my life recently.
Just that i got a 1 week holiday cause I was a H1N1 suspect! O.O?
Hahas, but thank goodness, turns out I'm fine! HAHAS!
After that 1 week break, went back to school for one day and it was the weekends.
I missed out on ALOT! LOLS.
And, Grad night is gonna come sooner then i thought.

Registration by 28th August... ZZZ, stress. ]]:
I may not even be able to go cause i dont have anyone to go with.
ZZZ... This sucks... BIG TIME! Unless i sit with 9 other boys again.
Des definitely wont mind... but... zzz.
And mum and dad has been pissing me off badly recently by stressing me with all the O level thing!
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!

KNOW WHAT? RT'S HEAD'S GONNA BURST!
I know why i hate going to school so badly now...
Cause of my parents pressurizing me so fucking hard, I really cant breathe anymore!
URGH! If only there werent so much trouble all happening at the same time,
then maybe i wont feel so damn stress up,
and blowing my top off so damn easily.

Ok, maybe i gotta be partially responsible for not being able to control my stress level properly..
I wont avoid and push away my responsibilities.
If only O level includes moral grading,
I swear I would jump for joy... :/

Ok, I will wait super long till that ever happens..
Morever, I will ONLYYYYYYY want to take O level once and this is the only once! NO MORE!
I will pass this once and with no regrets!
God, PLEASE BLESS ME!!!!

I swear, I've never been so damn happy for the coming of weekends,
and so depressed to the ending of weekends.
When you see me emo-ing when the ending of weekends come,
and being very hot on temper...
Its not cause Im PMS-ing...
I'm just being SUPER stressed up, preparing myself for battle,
and super pressured!
AND SUPER GUILTY, CAUSE IM RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING MYSELF SO STRESS!

If i really did study during the weekends, I wouldnt feel so stress,
but I dont really study as much as i say i do.=.=
That's SOOOOO STUPID ISNT IT!? URGH!
GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!!~
]]:

Ok, ENOUGH of all the negative-ness!
Gotta let some light shine through some times...
At least I've got baby with me!<3
And whenever I think of baby...
Life's really not that bad.[:
Plus the clique is still another bright point in my life.[:
though now the clique's meeting some little problem...
I've got faith we're gonna overcome it...
I guess I will try to believe that we can.:/

OKAYS~
So, Rt's really not that positive now, but still positive nevertheless!
Right? o.O? Urgh....
But over positive is not too good either right? [:
Cause I'll be over confident and over slacked that way.
So stress is good once in awhile...:/
Great, SUPER CONFUSING! :/
Whatever, I'm just crapping cause I'm boreddddddddddd~

Well, I think i should return the comp back to my bro now.
Anyways, I cant upload any of my recent photos cause of this STUPID,
AND I MEAN SUPER STUPID DOWNGRADED BLOGGER! ]:
ZZZ, whatever. Sorry I "PMS-ed" again..
SO bye people, or person...? =.=
Hahas! In any case, just BYE!

LOVES;
YUKI.

Not so ordinary,
Not perfect.
Not your everyday Girl Next Door, or little future Miss Universe.
Just a girl you wouldn't take a second look at.
But when it comes to you,
I'll try my best to change.

"Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms."

disappointed .

2009-08-04T00:40:00.008+08:00

Not your ordinary, everyday little girl..

5 more days to National Day,
and also a night that I'm looking so much forward to! :D
This Friday is gonna be great too!
Ending early,
and meeting clique early for Clique dinner!

Woots! AWESOME!
Yesterday was ok ok.
Didnt go to school.
Went to see doctor in the afternoon with baby.
Slacked till 4.45...

The rest were slacking while i was dilligently doing tuition homework..
Which i kept getting stuck! =.=
URGH!
Went to tuition after that.
Mrs Chow came 2mins after i reached home.
Tuition till 1915.

Went down to meet the rest.
Slacked and watched them play soccer till it was 2100+
Then went to 7-11 to buy drinks.
Slacked awhile more before Margeet and Ilyas went home.
Then baby and i went off at 2210 to my block.

He waited for me at playground,
while i ran up to upload songs and get my MP4 for him.
Ran down again to pass to him.
Home-d.
Going to school today,
&&, Im still not asleep!
OMG!

Okies, i should be a good girl and go get some sleep now. :D
I realised I'm being rather positive about my life now even though its in a TOTAL FUCKING MESS!
LOLS!
Congrats to RT!
&&, THANKS TO THE CLIQUE,
cause if not, I wouldnt be so bloody positive about everything.
Life rocks no matter what happens,
as long as i've got the clique. :D

Okies,
GOOD NIGHTS PEOPLE!
I seriously need to get some sleep now.
I'm seriously having a serious case of lack of sleep!
URGH!

LOVES;
YUKI.

You shattered our friendship,
our brother-sister bond.
All gone.
You shattered my trust for you,
my faith in you,
and you've finally showed me who you really are..
after 4 years.

I'll miss our memories,
for the past 4 years,
that lost to a friendship you shared with another person,
that lasted less then a year.
But I wont miss you nor him anymore...

Cause, I've learn from the past mistakes now.
I'm not the same girl i used to be, no more.
You were my dearest brother,
are my dearest brother,
but in time, you'll be my dearest brother from my memories of us.

In a period shorter then a month,
I've lost at least 10 friends,
that have confirmed to me by their actions,
that they were never really my true friends,
but in turn,
i gained 7 friends that i shall put my total trust in.

They've become so much more,
then the 10 who have proved so much more
then they ever did through out all the several years I've known them all.
I'm gonna grow up...
& Move away from those little games..

One day, I'm gonna show the world...
That they were wrong about me.
I'm gonna show the world...
I'm not your ordinary, everyday little girl..

Okies,
I'm gonna resume my abit crude self
and release some anger...
pardon me...:D

This is to all the people who ever fucking look down on me,
backstabbed me,
treated me like shit,
etc, etc...
PREPARE TO GET SCREWED IN YOUR FUCKING ASSHOLES,
AND EAT YOUR OWN STINKY SHIT.
ONE DAY I'M GONNA MAKE YOU EAT BACK YOUR OWN FUCKING WORDS
AND FUCKING USE YOUR OWN WORDS TO FUCK YOUR FUCKING ASS-ES!
I'M SO GONNA SHOW YOU MY DIPLOMA IN THE FUTURE AND RUB IT ON ALL YOUR FUCKING PATHETIC FACES!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!

Okies,
Sorry.
I'm feeling much better.:D
Though not blogger-wise allowed, but personality-wise allowed.
I'm crude by nature, but not usually on my blog.
But this time...
Exception! :D
A girl's gotta release her anger someway, somehow. :D
TEEHEE.

more than just friends .

2009-07-31T00:19:00.004+08:00

You're Like My Little Fairytale Come True.

Been a long long long long long time since i post.
So now, I'm here to execute some responsibility to this exceptionally dead blog![[:
I wont go blah blah about what happen the past few days...
or weeks.
But, I'm just gonna be lazy and summarize.[[:

Saturday, on the 25th of July,
went sentosa with Clique which is now officially 8G(Squared) again!
Cause Idros is our newest member, and I'm still the only girl! :D
Did alot of stupid things at Sentosa,
Swimming from island to island was one,
and drinking vodka till I'm dead drunk is another.

I was so drunk that night...
I dont really wanna talk about it.
But i remembered i got slapped a dozen times,
and my hands are all bruised from the clique trying to help me back home.
Vomitted ALOT! and when i say alot...
I really mean ALOT!

Got screened by the police,
and almost got reported to police by a neighbour the second time.
Lost my handphone that night! :((
Stayed out till 2345 and homed.
Baby called me that night.

Sunday, 26th of July.
I've got Prince! :D
Well, you dont really have to understand what it means.
But i know Im damn happy that day. :D
My little secret that a lot of people already knows about. =.=
LOLS.

Okies, anyways, slacked with clique in evening...
cant remember all the details,
but the previous day felt like a dream.
HAHAHAS!
but, that one particular moment didnt... *blush*.
Teehee.

Bought a prepaid card,
and number is practically the same as Baby's.
Only last 3 digits different. :D
His idea. :P

Monday, Tuesday..
School,
met Baby after school,
slacked till night with clique.
Homed.

Wednesday, Thursday,
Baby and i fell damn sick at the same time.
Didnt go school this two days.
Spend the whole day from morning till night with Baby,
met rest of clique in evening.
Homed at night.

Tomorrow..
No special plans.
But reserved for Clique and Baby! :D

Saturday,
going to Clique dinner at Teban for some National Day celebration thingy.=.=
But im guessing its gonna be fun with all of them there.[[:

Sunday,
most prob gonna make specs.
and also, the 1 week of Baby and me. :D

Well, nice summary...
I have always hated doing summaries=.=
But, today...
It was kinda helpful:D
Well, i shall stop here now and go to sleep.
Diarrhea and vomitting + fever for the past few days has been a great tow on me!
URGH!

Btw,
Wont upload pictures tonight.
Damn tired.
Tomorrow perhaps. :D
So...
Bye People! :D

LOVES;
YUKI.

sorry i cant do what you hope i would.
I wont give him up because you told me not to give up on you.
Cause, I already have.
You're my past,
and we're my history.
He's my present,
and we're my future.

He means much more to me then you ever did.
He's my partner in the clique,
my super super close friend,
and my boyfriend.
&, I'm not afraid to admit..
I love him..

I want us to stay and remain the same.
As partners,
as clique friends,
as super close friends,
as steads.
Cause you're special in too many ways.
Cause I'm in love with Prince.
*Blush*

Mushy much?!
Ok, whatever.
btw,
People, ask me for my number if you want it!
:D

stupid, i was .

2009-07-18T23:13:00.010+08:00

Wrong about Love, Wrong about Friendship.
Most importantly, I was wrong about Forever.
Long time no post,
so I've decided I'll be a good girl and be a responsible blogger.[[:
Again, I'm having STM.
LOLS. So i can only post from things that happened from Thursday onwards.
I think I can remember what happen on Thursday night ONLY!
Anything before that is kinda blank.

All i remember about the other few days including Thursday morning and afternoon...
is that I went to school in the morning,
homed in the afternoon,
met Jeevan first,
slacked with Clique non stop everyday.[[:
Okies, now about Thursday night.

Thursday night, 16'07'09.
The whole Clique was down except for Indra.
Syafiq, our soon to be new 7G(SQUARED) member was also down.
And so was Ilyas younger brother-Idros

Played cards at badminton court,
and we were all fooling around.
Until, I got stung by something.
WTF, was it fucking pain.

Jeevan and Idros helped me over to a chair to sit down.
I was screaming like nobody's business.
And I said something damn stupid... Cause it was so damn pain.
I said..."I swear! I will toooot myself if this is a fucking bee sting!"
The both of them laugh like shit.
HAHAS.

Then Jeevan, Azmi, Ilyas, Indra, and Idros tried to help me get that thingy out.
They used ice to numb the back of my leg,
and they tried to squeeze it out.
Then, Ilham came.
Margeet, Clinton and Ilham went to play cards,
while the rest struggled to help me get that thingy out.

End up i went home limping.
When I was home,
I used a sewing needle to punture a hole,
then I squeezed this black needle like thingy out,
which is roughly 1cm long.
OMG! PAIN LIKE FUCK!

Friday, 17'07'09, Movie day![[:
Went to school limping.
Then went off with Ilham after school.
Went home to change out.
Met Jeevan and Syafiq underneath Jeevan's block at study corner.
Played cards and stuff.

Then went over to Jalan Mas Puteh to buy cig.
Met Ilyas on the way.
Then went back to west st 1 to slack.
Met up with the rest at 1630.
Then, we lost one pack of cig.
So we went to Jalan Mas Puteh first to buy another pack,
then took bus 30 down to Jurong point.

Went to 7-11 to buy crackers.
Then we went to the cinema.
Entered and watched the show.
DAMN NICE![[:
Can say its the best Harry Potter show out of all the Harry Potter show.[[:

The movie ended at 2150+.
Went to take 198 back home.
Reached back around 22.50+.
Ilyas went off at 2315.
Margeet and Indra went off at 2320+.
Azmi, Jeevan and I lepak till 2340+.
Made Jeevan send me home.
Azmi went to zoom to tawn.

On the whole, I LOVE THE MOVIE LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS!
But its damn saddening at some part.
And I enjoyed myself like nobody's business.
And I'm glad i swallowed 5 painkillers before going out.:D
The pain was bearable, and I LOVE MY CLIQUE-7G(SQUARED)! :D

Today, 18'07'09.
Met Jeevan and Syafiq at 1630 at study corner.
Slacked with them till Ilyas, Indra, Margeet, Clinton and Azmi came.
THE WHOLE CLIQUE FINALLY CAME OUT TOGETHER!
hahas! I'm damn happy!
Had two group card play.
Margeet, Clinton, Ilyas and Syafiq.
Azmi, Jeevan, Indra and me.
So fun!

Slacked and stuff.
Changed my earstick today cause my first piercing on my left ear rusted.
While the second hole infection, so need wait.
Then we went to play Soccer.
Slacked after that till 2250+.
Home-d.
Enjoyed myself loads today! :D

Well that's all for this few days! :D
I'm in love with the clique!:D
But may not be slacking so much with Clique soon.
Cause gonna chiong O'levels already.

I'm starting tuition on Monday!:D
& honestly, I'm looking forward to it...
cause I'll chiong studies,
hopefully pass my O'Levels,
and finally leave that freaking school with that small bunch of hateful people in there!

&, I've realized that I haven't been emo-ing as much anymore... :D
Good news?
OBVIOUSLY!
I'm high up on cloud nine! :D

Ok, now I'm gonna stop here..
& go do some blogging on Clique blog..
Hopefully I've got something to say... :D
Bye people!:D

LOVES;
YUKI.

Kelly Clarkson-Gone.
What you see's not what you get
With you there's just no measurement
No way to tell what's real from what isn't there
Your eyes they sparkle
That's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain
You washed away the best of me
You don't care

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone

Sometimes shattered
Never open
Nothing matters
When you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending
Always over
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I am breaking
That habit
Today

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone

There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it, babe
Take the hit and walk away
'Cause I'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone

What you see's not what you get
What you see's not what you get

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
Oh, I'm already gone, gone, gone, gone
Already gone
I'm gone

better, but not stronger .

2009-07-15T22:43:00.006+08:00

Someday, I will find a place i belong.

A kinda dead blog,
and a kinda at-a-total-lost-what-to-do-now owner,
who is freaking upset and freaking confused now.
Ok, whatever, I'm done emo-ing.

I've REALLY got nothing to say at all.
I'm posting just for the sake of posting,
basically cause I'm bored,
want to keep my mind off my unhappiness,
and try to stop emo-ing.
That's all.

Ok, so the pass few days,
kept slacking with clique till 2230.
So, that means...
No difference today.

Didnt go to school yesterday and today.
ZZZ, stress! Urgh!
I so want to chiong studies now.
Heng, got clique to cheer me up...
Except today, got some quarrels...
But its kinda settled now...
So, I guess I'm kinda ok now.

So actually i shouldnt be so emo now.
Just that I'm considering about somethings now...
So, I'm kinda confused.]]:
But still, whatever happens in the future...
I will NEVER regret having 7G(SQUARED) for my clique.

So, yeahs..
Thanks to the Clique[[:
I'll always treasure the times we had together,
and I pray that those times wont end..

Ok, don't really have much to say le.
So i shall sign off now.
Bye to whoever who still comes here.=.=

2 More days to go,
Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince Movie with Clique! :D

LOVES;
YUKI.

Fears,
but no tears.
But I keep failing...
Don't want to worry about the past,
Don't want to fear the future.
Someday,
I'll find that small cozy corner where I'll belong.
For now,
I'll tolerate all these dark nights.

before you .

2009-07-13T00:06:00.007+08:00

They're gonna be here, whether you are or not.

Cant really happen in the past few days.
Dang, i think i'm getting STM. URGH!
LOLS. But RT's gonna be just fine.
I'll try to recall abit here and there.
LOLS.
Been going lepak with clique.
=.= Okays, abit fei hua right?
LOLS.

I dont really have much to say cause i cant really remember everything.
But i remembered that Friday was my O'level Chinese Oral Exam.
& Damn! I screwed it up like nobody's business!]:
(I've no idea why i keep saying nobody's business nowadays.)
LOLS.
I wasnt scared at first, till i started stuttering and panicking.]]:
I want to pass damn bad...]]:

On Friday, 10th July 2009,
CLIQUE'S FIRST MONTH ANN![[:
had chem lessons all the way till 1.
Had one hour break.
Had O' Level Chinese Oral Exam at 2.
I was 2nd.
First five got quarantined.
Went off at 3.

Went to find clique after that to slack at study corner for awhile.
Waited for Jeevan and Margeet for at least 45mins.
Went to the void deck of my block,
I went up to change while they sat there to slack.
Came down to meet the whole clique except Clinton wasnt there.
We then headed out to take bus to go Plaza Sing.
We took 143, when there was 175 direct bus.
But i forgot. teehee.
I stood through out the whole bus trip.
Damn tired dui!

We even took a few bustops further thanks to muah!
Cause i didnt know where to stop, and they thought i knew.
LOLS. Walked for 30mins or so from Far East to Plaza Sing.
OMG! Legs gonna break.
Went there to book tickets for next friday Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince.
But all the tickets full. So in the end we took 14 back.
Stopped at the Mosque there and walked back home.
Slacked till 1030.
Home-d.
Comp down.
Bro came home from camp.

Saturday, 11th July.
Went to Jurong Point with Clique to book tickets.
Clinton came, but Ilyas didnt.
Managed to book tickets.
Whole Clique accommodated to me and waited for Lin Feng to come.
HAHAHAS! Raymond Lam(Lin Feng) is in town for a session of meet and greet autograph session.

Cause of the Alicafe thing.
HAHAS... but sadly we waited till 2015 hours but he still havent come.
So we left, cause Ilyas was waiting back at Clementi for us.
Took 198 back.
Azmi got off the bus to go ZOOM.

Went to slack till 2240.
Had Group Photo taking session.
But Azmi wasnt here.
So still not full group photo.]]:
Mummy bought a new comp?! LOLS.

Sunday,12th July.
Didnt go make my specs today.
Went down to Dover to meet kor.
Slacked with him till 1910 then went back to meet Clique.
Slacked with Clique and watched them play soccer.

Change in partners in Clique.
Jeevan's my new partner.
The cheesy partners!
Who will not let Clinton off easy! :D
YEAHS!
Home-d at 2240.
Daddy came home![[:
Bro went back to camp.]]:

Okies.
This is basically all I've got to say.
HAHAS.
Good nights people!

OH, and one more thing.
WeiJie Kor, thanks for enlightening me today.
And thanks for hearing me talk about all my troubles.
And I've heeded your advice,
and I've took a step forward again...
Thanks kor.
:D

LOVES;
YUKI.

I'm gonna look back one more time.
But this time,
I'm looking pass you...
I'm gonna take one step forward again,
and this time, I'm going to take a big step.
May God Bless Me.

slack to de-stress .

2009-07-07T23:22:00.006+08:00

Lepak.

Recently have been quite busy.
Cant really remember exactly everything that has happened.
But i can roughly remember some.
HAHAS.

I remembered that i ponned school on the
29thof June, 30th of June and the 1st of July.
30th June and 1st July is not really pon though.

29th of June.
Met Jeevan and Clinton early in the morning around 6am+.
The two of them ITE, so still got one more week holiday.
In the end, tio dragged out to keep me company the WHOLE day.
Wahkakakakakakas!

Went to wait for Margeet and Azmi to off school.
Met up with Bastard and Pig.
Played see-saw.
Damn funny,
I flew!!! ;D
&, I've got the video to prove it!

Didnt go pool cause we lazy.
Watched movie at Azmi's house in the evening.
Then went down Lepak around 8 plus till 10.
Cant really remember all the in-between details.
Home-ed at 10.

On the 30th of June.
Woke up feeling damn sick.
Told mum.
She allowed me to stay home.
Met Jeevan and Clinton in afternoon.
Went to the doctors.
Met the rest at Recreation Centre.
Pool-ed.

Went to Cold Storage with Clique.
Bought some frozen food to my house.
Watched movie at my house.
Clique ate dinner at my house.
Damn full!

Down to court around 8+.
Slacked half way.
Mum called to say Bro got into an accident.
Rushed home to meet mum.
Went home to grab a few stuff..
Chiong down to hospital to pick bro.
Back to bro's camp to get his neccessities.
Home-d.

1st of July.
Stayed home cause sick and to take care of bro.
Stayed home till afternoon.
Met Clique.
Watched movie at my house till evening.
Then lepak till night.
Home-d at 10.
Cant remember the in-between details.

The rest of the days,
Thursday and Friday,
2nd and 3rd of July,
Did this weird Orange or Yellow (idk la.) Ribbon thingy on Friday.
School-ed.
Home-d.
Lepak-ed.
Home-d.

Till Saturday, 4th of July,
went to Wild Wild Wet with Clique.
Azmi didnt go cause got competition.
Played till damn fun!
All of us enjoyed.
Didnt take group photo(sadly) :[
Lepak-d.
Home-d at 1030++.

Sunday, 5th of July,
went to Lepak only.
Home-d at 1030++.

Monday, 6th of July,
Youth day.
Went with Clique to Bukit Merah Library to study.
The Clique was damn funny in the Library.
LOLS.

Tuesday, 7th of July,
Ponne-d school with Bastard and Pig.
Their idea.=.=
Met Margeet at my house downstairs at 6.15am,
walked over to Azmi's house.
Then the three of us walked to West Coast Park for breakfast.
Ate,
Azmi decided he wanted to pon school too.
Got damn bad stomach-ache!

Margeet then went to school by himself.
While i waited for Azmi underneath his block.
After meeting him, went over to wait for Jeevan.
That guy keep sleeping back after trying to wake him up a mutiple times!
Then in the end, we went to his corridor and whistled till he is willing to come out.

Met Bastard and Pig,
walked together to polyclinic to see doctor.
Bastard and Pig went off half way.
Wasted 4hours in the polyclinic.
Because Azmi's number never seem to come.

Walked around central after seeing doctor while waiting for the rest to end school.
I bought Cheese Hot dog and Ham and Cheese Tako Yaki.
While Jeevan bought Cheese Waffles.
We then started naming those food some really damn funny names.
HAHAHAHAS.
But I dont think i want to say it out here. :D

Met KokBan kor for awhile![:
Slacked with him awhile.
Missed him damn much!
Went off at 1515.
Walked back to West Coast.
I went home change out first.
Jeevan and Azmi waited for me underneath my block.

Came down and slacked with them.
Today, Jeevan and me both went crazy already.
Damn crazy! Like mental retards like that. HAHAHAHAS!
Lepak with them all the way till 10 today.
Then home-d.

That's all for the past few days.
At least that's all i can really remember.
HAHAHAHAHAHAS.
Well, at least I'm kinda glad the Clique blog is NEAR to totally done!
hahahas.
I love it![[:
Well,
I cant wait for the 10th and 17th to come!~

LOVES;
YUKI.

PS: GROUP PHOTO ASAP PLEASE!!!!! :D

God bless my brother.
God bless my father.
God bless my mother.
God bless my grandmother.
God bless my best friend.
God bless my clique.
God bless my God-bros.
God bless my besties in school.
God bless him..

I'll make this short and simple.
Pure and true.
I miss you.

Her independence .

2009-06-28T12:21:00.008+08:00

special in our own way=D
Love, 6G(Squared)!!!

The past few days have been going out with clique.
Clique is now 6G(Squared) cause Ilyas keep MIA-ing.
LOLS, but we're still a whole lovable clique![[:
Hahahas.
Got ALOT of photos to post up cause we had a photo mania once when we were damn bored!
HAHAS! LOVE THOSE PHOTOS!
Btw, Clique wants a Clique blog!
So i will be creating a Clique blog soon for the whole Clique! WOOTS!~
=D

Basically,
On the 24th(Wednesday), we went pool cause Margeet and Jeevan want throw IC at the woman.
Cause they couldnt get in the day before.
HAHAHAHAS. But Azmi didnt come, and Clinton and me taught the twins.
Then we went back to slack.

On the 25th(Thursday), we went to the library to study, and down to Dover to meet Kors!
Met up with Kok Ban, Jeremy, Wei Jie! Missed them sooooo much!
And Clique found them friendly. HAHAS.
Then back to slack.

On the 26th(Friday), we went exercise mania!
We went to play pool in the morning,
badminton in the afternoon,
and soccer at night.
SOOOO DAMN TIRED!
Then we went to have a group photo mania at West Coast Plaza cause we were bored!

Yesterday, 27th(Saturday), went out with Clique to go shopping.
Met at 1300Hours, all dressed in black,
bus-ed down to Bugis to buy stuff.
Shopped awhile and found nothing then bus-ed down to Far East.
On bus saw Bastard, hahas.
He look better looking then usual. HAHAS.

Plus Clique all recognised him, only I didnt!?
Then after i looked at him, i even suan-ed him!
Wahkakakakas, what an evil friend he has.
Wait, that's exactly why I'm his bitch![[:

At Far East,
Clique all walked around to look for Clique Landyard (or however way you spell it la.=.=)
Found a nice one,
bought six.
I've got the special one!!!
HAHAS. All the guys took white and black checkered while i got the red and black checkered.
Cause there wasnt enough white and black,
then the sales person say the "老大" take the red and black.
However i would prefer the White and black checkered, so whole clique can be the same.
I dont want to be extra.=.=

Wahkakakakas, (lame=.=)
Took bus back to West Coast.
Whole Clique slept on bus back.
Long long long ride!!!! HAHAS.
Wanted to go cine, but we didnt in the end.
Margeet took video of Indra sleeping...
SOOOOOO DAMN CUTE! *Gasp*
=D

Back at West coast we immediately went for dinner.=D
Ate and met up with Azmi the sleepy pig who didnt go with us today cause he tawned last night.
Pass to him the Landyard, and the whole clique has the same!
YEAH! LOVE 6G(Squared)!
Then we went to West Coast Plaza and when we came out, i saw my parents.
We then went to my block there,
the rest waited for me while i went to change out cause i was wearing mini skirt.
Came down, slacked at playground awhile then went to shelter at basketball court.

Slacked there till 2230 then went to diao two groups of people that have pissed us alot.
They sooooo deserve it!
And I hope that bitch makes her first move fast![[:
Then it sooooo gonna be fun fun fun.
Ok, whatever.
Take it that something in my head isn't right.
But i swear i really really hate her!

Went home at 2250+
Watched a new Hong Kong TV drama series my dad rented.
Quite nice, all 'bout strategies.
Slept really late last night.
And that's all![[:

Later will be going to Margeet and Jeevan's house to slack awhile,
then will be going down to court to slack.
HAHAS. Will be posting tonight...
For someone special...
1 MORE DAY TO SOMEONE SPECIAL'S SPECIAL DAY!
(COUNTDOWN!!!)

LOVES;
YUKI.

Still missing you at times,
but not that much anymore.
I can still go on without you.

Though not the same,
but still great nonetheless.
It was great with you,
but it's still great now.

I can be independent now.
I've changed now,
different from that little girl who relied on you for everything.
Grown up a little more,
but you're never left behind.

Friends,
like before.[:

2009-06-23T23:08:00.003+08:00

Hello, new life.[:

No jokes,
cause I'm feeling un-lame today...
I'm feeling VERY lame today! :D
Not a joke,
but also yet another LAME LAME LAME joke.=.=

Ok, whatever...
I better cut short the crap,
or else I'm really gonna lame myself out.
Have not been coming online for at least 4 days...
And... I've got LOTS to say now.[[:

Ok let's start with BBQ DAY!
On the 20th of June,
Met up with Clinton in the morning around 10am.
He passed me the Chicken for me to bring home to marinate,
and i passed him my extra shirt for him to keep for me just in case.

After getting the chicken,
went home to pass to Grandma and ask her to help me marinate,
then went down to meet Clinton again to go Cold Storage to buy more HotDogs.
Bought another two packets,
went back to my house to put it and went off.

Went to play cards at 611 while waiting for the rest to reach.
waited till 12 and no one reach yet.
At 12.30 then did Azmi come.
The both of them went to buy drinks for Azmi...
Cause he only slept four hours cause he tawned on fri.
So bought him Red Bull.

After they came back,
the rest came.
Sat there awhile discussing about where to go...
And decided to take 197 down to Bugis first for Indra to buy his shirt.
At around 1400Hours,
We made a move for Escape.
Took MRT there.
Reached there around 1500Hours.

Bought tickets and stuff and went in.
Went to play the Flipper thingy first,
then to Pirate Ship, (OMG, so damn fun la!)
then went to play Wet & Wild...
We paired up...
Clinton and me,
Indra and Jeevan,
Matthew and Margeet,
Azmi went solo.

Hahas, on the way up the stupid tall 15metres drop thingy,
I kept screaming at Clinton. Hahahas.
I'm not afraid of the coming down,
but I'm afraid of the going up.
Hahas.

Those who sat at the back were all damn wet!
I sat at the back cause i wanted to get wet,
but i was wearing dry fit shirt,
SOOOO HENG!
Jeevan was WET beyond words,
Margeet is still ok ok.
Then after Wet & Wild,
we all went to Burger King.

They ate at Orange Julius and Burger King,
after that,
Margeet, Azmi, Clinton and me all went up the Flipper again...
So cooling, and the view sooooo nice![[:
They then decided to go to the Haunted House.
Hahahs.

Waited quite long and finally went in.
Throughout the whole journey,
I kept grabbing on to Clinton's neck and arm...
HAHAS, poor him.
I kept screaming into his ears also.
HAHAS.

When we came out,
his neck and arm was all red.. :/
OOPS. Hahas.
The guys then decided they wanted to go play the Daytona Go-Kart.
But cause i didnt want to go,
Clinton kept me company and we decided to go to play the Pirate Ship again.

Azmi and Margeet then came half way,
and told us that the estimated waiting time for the Go-Kart is 1hour.(OMG!)
Azmi then came up the Pirate Ship with us...
While Margeet went back.:/
OMG, PIRATE SHIP SOOOOO DAMN HIGH!~

After that it was already 1830Hours,
so we had to leave.
Went on the Flipper one last time with Azmi, Margeet and Clinton.
This time round, it was damn hiong.[[:
Hahas.

We then walked back to Pasir Ris,
bought drinks at 7-11 and Teens and Teenage magazine,
then MRT-ed back to Clementi.
Upon reaching Clementi,
We all hasten our speed cause it was alread 1900Hours nearing 2000Hours.

Clinton and me cab-ed down to Jalan Mas Puteh to buy Cig,
while the rest took bus back to West St 1.
All went to take their stuff.
Clinton and me cab-ed back to West St 1,
went back to my house to take all the BBQ stuff
and followed him back to West St 2 to collect the stuff at his house.
The rest were already under the block 717,
Azmi and Clinton's block.

Waited for the both of them,
then we all walked to West Coast Park.
Headed to the sea side and found a really comfy place although there wasnt any table.
We reached there around 2100Hours,
took 30++mins to set up the BBQ pit.
Then we started BBQ-ing.
BBQ until there wasnt any thing left nor charcoal left.
I did all the cooking till i can choke on smoke!

BBQ-ed till 1am in the morning before I went home.
Called Dad to pick me up,
and sent Clinton home too.
Reached home, bath-ed and rested.
That's all for that SUPER wonderful day![[:

21st Of June...
Father's day...
Didnt go out with Clique that day.
Was Clique's off day.
Got the worst sore throat ever!
Slept practically throughout the WHOLE day...
Went out around 2000Hours to eat dinner with family at Jack's Place.
Went pool after that with family.
Home-d.
That's all.

22nd Of June.
Went back to school in the morning for Chem lessons.
Ponn-ed DNT and all the after lessons with Pig friend JH.
Went to wait for Clinton to wake up under his block.
Waited for 25mins and decided to go market to eat.
At 0930Hours, he called and told me he's awake.=.=
Ate finish and went back to find him.
Slacked awhile.

Cabb-ed down to Jalan Mas Puteh to buy Cig for Pig Friend JH.
Then cabbed back to West St 2 for Clinton to eat.
After that, we split ways with Pig Friend JH and clinton and me went West Coast Plaza.
I went to change out and went to Block 610 to slack.
Waited for Azmi to come.
Went down to Orchard together.
Went to collect Clinton's phone.
Then bus-ed back down to West Coast Recreational Centre to pool.

Pool-ed.
The rest came to look for us at West Coast RC.
Walked back to Jalan Mas Puteh and wanted to buy Cig,
in the end decided dont want to buy.
Was about to leave when Desmond Lim saw us.
Asked Clinton to help him look after counter in Zoom cause he had to go Jurong Point awhile.
So we all slacked at Zoom...

Sat beside Clinton at the Zoom counter there to use comp.
Felt damn weird when people who knew Clinton asked him who am i.=.=
Went off at around 2100Hours.
All decided to eat.
Went to Al-Insaf's eating place nearby Zoom to eat dinner.

Played cards while waiting for food.
It was like Clique dinner.=.=
Ate till damn full.
Walk-ed back to West St 1.
Home-d.

Today.
Ponn-ed school.
Met Clinton at 12,
ate lunch with him.
Walked down to Jalan Mas Puteh and bought Cig.
Cabb-ed back to West Coast Plaza to buy Subway for my Grandma.
Brought home the Subway for my Grandma.

Went to 610 bustop to play cards while waiting for Azmi.
He reached at 1500+Hours,
the rest said they will meet us at West Coast RC cause we were going there to play pool.
In the end, we were still slacking at 610 when Margeet sms-ed to tell me they were already walking down.
I called Indra and asked them where were they, they say on their way.
Told them to meet outside pool area.

Took bus down.
In bus, we went pass them.
Waved at them, and the scene was damn damn funny! HAHAS!
Went to get pool table first.
The rest couldnt come in cause forgot IC.
Own-ed Azmi and Clinton.
I am number 1 and Azmi is second.[[:

Walked back to West st 2 after that,
bought waffles,
ate.
Then the whole Clique went back to 610 to slack.
Played cards and Ice and Freeze.
Ilyas finally came.
So did Cong Le mei.
But she left very soon]]:

Played a few rounds,
then we went off for night-walk at 2200Hours.
Bidd-ed Indra and Ilyas farewell.
And the remaining five of us went for Night-walk.
Talked and chatted till 2240Hours and walked back.
Home-d around 2250+Hours.
That's all![[:

Tomorrow will be meeting 7G(Square) to go pool again,
and Thursday will be going Library to study with 7G(Square)![[:
That's all!:D
Good nights People!

LOVES;
YUKI.

Memories are all that remain.
Memories that I think of,
but dont miss anymore.
Love was our history,
Friendship is our present.

2009-06-19T23:21:00.002+08:00

Different side of me.

Fierce,
but really sweet!
Believe?[[:
If you dont, GO EAT SHIT!=D
Ok, nvm, another lame joke=.=

Got woke up in the morning by Clinton at 1015Hours.
Got up, and prepare...
Bro's friends were still over at my house.
They were using comp in parent's room,
toilet in parent's room..

& my bro didnt want to ask them go out.
GRRRRRR, i was kinda pissed with him at first.
LOL. Bathed, changed...
Called Clinton,
That IDIOT was still sleeping! WTF!
He call me up, want go out for breakfast, in the end still sleeping at 1045Hours.

He got ready,
I went down to his block to meet him.
Bought Bubble Tea on my way down,
but the uncle today DAMN fierce.]]:
He gave me sour face, and a sour bubble tea. :/
LOLS.

Waited for Clinton under his block, he came down,
and went up to change again.=.=
Then we to eat at market,
he ate, i drank ice milo.

It then started raining,
Margeet, Jeevan and Indra was ready to meet us le.
But we were waiting for Azmi to get ready.
HAHAS, Clinton called Azmi to hurry,
he say lazy, but when i say, he agree.
WAHKAKAKAKAS, in the end...
Clinton was jealous of MUAH!
Hahahas, so funny.

Waited for rain to stop,
and for heaven to find me less hotter, and Clinton too un-hot.
(HAHAS, Clinton, I'M HOT AND YOU'RE NOT!)
Okies, nvm, another lame joke=.=
Zzz, went over to pick Azmi at his house and walked back over to 610 to meet the rest at bustop.

Then we took 188 down to IMM to buy BBQ stuff.
Hahas. Reached IMM and went into Giant.
Bought ALOT of stuff,
we spent a total of $155.85 at Giant just buying all our BBQ stuff,
and somehow, we now i think we have not bought enough yet.
LOLS.

Because there were too many bags,
and there were 6 of us,
we couldn't fit everybody into the same cab.
So Margeet and me went to take bus, while the rest took cab.
HAHAS. Made a bet with Clinton that if we reach back first,
then he had to treat Margeet and me to lunch and drinks,
but if they reached first, we'll treat them drinks.

Clinton didnt understand that question,
so he called me,
i explained and he said steady.
After he hung up, i called him back again to tell him..
"We've reached. Haha!"

So in the end, Margeet and me got free meal and drinks.
We all met at my house downstairs and we went to keep all our stuff back at our house.
I went home to keep the stuff and change out,
then I went to meet Margeet, Jeevan and Indra at West Coast Plaza,
then we went to Azmi and Clinton's house downstairs to wait for them.
We went to eat at the market.
Got free food, so delicious. HAHAS.
Pity Clinton!:/

After eating,
heard news that Ilyas, 7G is finally back from Malaysia.
Hahas, all went to meet him and fill him in about stuff.
And we all went slacking.
And the rest is not much important anymore.
The main thing is an "Anjing Hitam" ruined my mood,
and i swear, from now on, he better not show up infront of me and 7G(square).

I punched him at least 10 times,
and had to settle stuff again, BECAUSE OF THAT FUCKING BIG MOUTH BASTARD!
That's all.
But nevermind,
I've settled it all,
and would enjoy tomorrow's Clique outing.[[:
YIPEE!

Cloud nine is flying up up up up,
and guess what?
I'm still steadily riding on it!
Nehninehnipoopoo!=D
HAHAS.
Great, more crap from me.=.=

Anyways, will be going out for BBQ tomorrow and Xcape! yeahs!
That's all!
Got to go do something else right now!
Hahas. And got something to comment bout' my family...
THEY SUCK!
The moment they came home, they start complaining about me already.
With them=never happy,
but now, I still am... Cause I'm excited about tomorrow![[:

LOVES;
YUKI.

It's alrights, It's Ok.
I've moved on.
They've taken your place,
and I'm happier then ever.

2009-06-19T02:20:00.005+08:00

Clique Forever, Please?

Short post.(Cause someone is bored.)
Got Sun-burned,
getting tanner,
but still Yuki. XP
OK, nvm, lame joke.=.=

Let's just skip what happen yesterday, proceed and move forward.[[:
I did something I know I wont like, but I definitely wont regret...
Because I know 7G(squared)'s safe.[[:
Don't ask what, the clique knows, and it stays within the clique.=D

I just hope that the clique wont start treating me differently...
I really hope things stay the same.(Pretty please? :/)
Well, anyways...
I'm still riding on cloud nine,
it ain't gonna be pulling me down yet..[[:

Later in the day would be going to Giant with 7G(squared) to buy BBQ stuff.
We'll be moving forward outing one day ahead cause Sunday I'm not free.
Sunday is Father's Day and my bro going back camp on Monday.
So we'll be going to Xcape on Saturday,
and have BBQ on Saturday night.

However, we didn't manage to book a BBQ pit,
so we'll be buying the small container or something like that tomorrow to have mini BBQ.[[:
It'll be fun, it'll be cosy,
& it's gonna be cheaper.[[:
But i honestly hope we can find a portable BBQ pit that is cheap...]]: LOLS.
PRAY HARD,
Pretty please~,
with a BIG cherry on top! :/
URGH, craps. hahas.

Well, so tomorrow will be meeting the rest at 12pm to go down to shop,
and would be going back to West St 1 to slack.[[:
So, that is all I've got to say.
The main reason why I am blogging is because...
I'm bored, and I cant sleep. LOLS.
But, I've got nothing else to say now...

So, goodnights people!
Though I wont be sleeping yet.=.= LOLS.

LOVES;
YUKI.

Honestly,
Hopefully,
Praying hard,
that this will be clique forever...
please?

2009-06-18T12:26:00.007+08:00

♥ 7G(Sqaured)

Introducing...
7G(Squared)!!!
6 Guys, 1 Girl.[[:
Clinton, Margeet, Jeevan, Azmi, Indra, Ilyas(NIP).

170609;
7G(Squared)'s FIRST OUTING![[:
except that lacked of 1G.
Cause Ilyas went back to Malaysia.

Met up with Uncle Clinton and Azmi at 11+ under my block.
Played cards for awhile.
Went back to West St 2 to buy bubble tea and let Azmi change his skinnys,
cause when he smoke, keep tapping ashes on his skinnys.
HAHAS, so funny.

Bought bubble tea and then went to Clinton and Azmi's block.
Waited for Azmi to change out then went back over to West St 1 to meet the rest at 610 bustop.
Chatted and boarded bus 198.
In less then 10mins we reached le.
Walked to Jurong East Swimming Complex.

Entered for free cause Arif's Mum was the friend of the supervisor.
LOLS. Then we went to get our lockers, change, and rented floats.=.=
And we were then in the water.
LOLS.
Went to lazy river first, then went to play the slides.

I only played the yellow one, cause i didnt dare go up the rest,
although it was damn damn tempting... LOLS.
anyways, went to wave pool, and our clique just held on to each other.
One word- CUTE! hahas.

Then we kept doing the same things over and over again.
When the wave ended, we would spend some time ganging up and playing with floats.
LOLS. We then stopped at 5 to bathe.
Azmi, Clinton and me went to return the floats first then went to bathe.
We were so lazy that we decided to go through lazy river instead. LOLS.

We lost one float, but the person gave us chance. Hahas. so good right.[[:
Bathed, came out.
Wanted to call the guys,
but cant find my Handphone,
then find like a mad woman like that then found it in my bag's front pouch. LOLS.

Went up to KFC to meet the rest of them,
Clinton and Azmi came up later then me.=.= LOLS.
Then we went to order food.
Ate and chatted.
Played abit with food. hahahs.

Then went out of KFC to take 7G(Squared)'s first group photo,
except lack of 1G and extra of one person.=.= LOLS.
hahas, after that we went to take bus back to clementi.
Stopped at West Coast Recreation Centre to buy Cig,
but shop closed,
Clinton asked Zoom people help us buy. LOLS

Then we walked back to West St 2 to buy waffle and bubble tea.
Then back over to West St 1.
We all ganged Clinton half way while walking and went back to 610 playground to play.
Slacked there awhile and Mon and the rest came.
Jeevan and Margeet their went opposite West St 2 to buy stuff.

Then we walked off to the playground near my house to slack.
Then met Margeet and Jeevan,
Margeet, Indra and Clinton did this stupid thing...
They all were drinking either Pepsi or Coke then they cheers it to Arif because it was his colour.=.=
I laughed till peng. Hahahas.

Then the rest are just unimportant,
cause i saved an 'anjing hitam' and made him feel so great of himself=.=
Damn pissed.
But still, i enjoyed my day with 7G(Squared)=D
But then again, when do i never? Hahas.

So today will be going out with Clinton,
to go find an AXS station to book BBQ pit for Sunday's 7G(Squared) outing.
LOLS. Then will be going back to slack again at night with rest of 7G(Squared).
Will be going Xcape first on Sunday then BBQ at night.
And will be going shopping on Saturday for BBQ food.
hahas. as for today and tomorrow, will be just slacking i guess.
hahas. Cant wait to have fun with 7G(Squared)

Life with 7G(Squared) have never been better.
I'm starting to put him behind,
and clique 7G(Squared) have taken his place.
They maybe all guys, and I'm the only girl,
but they are all my really close friends,
who have cheered me up when I was in need of friends.

LOVES;
YUKI.

It's Alright's, It's Ok- Ashley Tisdale
You told me
There's no need to talk it out
Cause it's too late to proceed
And slowly
I took your words
And walked away

No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, Ok
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I won't return
Our bridge has burnt down
I'm stronger now
Alright, Ok
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, Ok
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I won't return
Our bridge has burnt down
I'm stronger now
Alright, Ok
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

Don't waist you fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's Way to late
I'm closing the door

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, Ok
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I won't return
Our bridge has burnt down
I'm stronger now
Alright, Ok
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

It's alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say

It's alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry

(You were once my everything,
but now, your problem's not mine anymore.
I know I'll be enjoying much more. =D)

2009-06-15T12:46:00.003+08:00

HATE the word LOVE;
LOVE the word HATE;

Yesterday 140609.
Was his and my supposed to be 1 year 4 months anniversary.
But not anymore...

Yesterday went out fishing with Dad and Bro.
Slept damn late, and woke up at 12.
Bathed, went out at 1.
Dad drove to Sheng Shiong to buy prawns,
then to Mcdonald's drive thru for lunch/dinner.
I was forced to tag along cause my Mum complained that i never go out with them.

Was sms-ing Clinton throughout the whole day.
That black mouth guy,
he say what, really come through what.
LOL. But talk to him always laugh till peng.=.=

Our first stop,
Kranji.. But i not sure where nahs.
Then there got no space to fish, plus Dad and Bro used wrong hook
so keep on getting caught in rocks.
LOLS.

Next stop, abit further after Pandan's Tidal Gates...
It was somewhere at the back of the Reservoir, but not in the Reservoir.
Get it? LOL!
Reached there around 4.
& DAMN! It was Fucking HOT!
But very windy also. XP
LOLS.

I took a seat, and sat somewhere in the middle of the road.
Drank Green tea, and listen to music while sms-ing Clinton and Montano.
Then Daddy passed me an umbrella for me to block out the sunlight.
LOLS, like damn comfy, except my butt DAMN pain! OMG.
Cause it was rocky road. So i sit until butt pain. LOLS.
It was rather windy too.

They didnt manage to catch any fish though.
Waste of my time. ZZZ. I wanted to go slack 1 sia!
Then tio forced to go have dinner together with them.
Damn sian.
Went home first.
I went to bathe.
Then went to fetch Mum.

We all went to Parkway Parade to eat dinner at ichiban sushi.
Stupid, have to queue up so long.=.=
In the end, 9.20+ then finish.
Then reached back at 10.
Went basketball court waited for Azmi, Arif, Clinton, Jeevan and Margeet to come.
Slacked awhile, heard a pair of indian couple quarreling, then we laughed.

Cause she asked her husband...
"You know the meaning of 'Jail'?"
then the husband said...
"Yeah, I know. It means none of your business."
Then she said...
"You only know two words, Jail and Die."
Then he said,
"Yeah, so? I go Jail or die also none of your business. I like it!"

Then me and Jeevan laughed first, then Clinton, Margeet and Azmi.
She stared at us, then we went off to 7-11.
Hahahas.
Then at 7-11, Azmi bought his maggie noodle.
Then we sat outside NewYork NewYork.
Sit half way, i realised i lost my phone.

Then we all started searching frantically around.
Margeet, Jeevan and Azmi searched 7-11,
while Clinton and i ran all the way back to basketball court to find my phone.
LOL, in the end it was at the shelter where we were sitting.
The indian guy sleeping and the woman doing her prayer and my phone was ringing out loud sial.
OMG, damn heng.
hahahas.

Went back 7-11 meet the rest,
then Azmi knocked into Clinton and spilled the soup all over him.
So damn funny.
Then we went inside West Coast Plaza for them to go toilet.
LOLS.

Then after that, we went night walk at Clementi woods.
Went all the way in, into the toilet area there.
Then we sat at the last shelter and played Murderer.
Hahahas. We play until soooo funny sial!
At around 11.45 then we left...
Azmi, Arif and Clinton all go the other side cause they stay west st 2.
Then Jeevan, Margeet and me all walked straight in Clementi Woods... LOLS.

Reached home, got into quarrels again.
I wasnt at fault, explained to them,
they didnt believe.
Got four tight slaps and a fucking curfew in the end.
All because they didnt believe.

Fucking pissed. I hate my family.
I didnt cry as much as i thought i would.
I just got damn pissed.
I kept thinking that i gotta get out of that fucking house,
die also nevermind, as long as I'm away from those people.
Damn sial. I have no idea why they are like some fucking strangers to me now.

To them, my brother is and always will be the best.
His friends are what my parents call the CORRECT friends..
While my friends are a bunch of little trouble makers.
Whether they did or never did do any wrong,
they're all labeled trouble makers as long as their my friends.
& it's all my fucking fault.

To them, my brother say what=to what.
As long as the idea is from him, they'll go along with it.
As long as it is something he wants, everyone have to accomodate to him.
Cause to them, his ideas are considered matured, and mine are considered gangsterous-like.
Cause to them, his wants are just nice and are educational,
while my wants are expensive and stupid.

Cause to them, his actions are gentlemanly and filled with manners,
whereas my actions are filled with crude sign languages and foul hokkien cursing.
Cause to them, he is smarter, cleverer, calmer, more refined,
more funny, more obedient, more trust-worthy.
Whereas to them, I'm not as smart, dull, stupid, not refined, crude, rebellious,
not funny, not obedient, not trust-worthy, and doggy-like.

I felt damn alone,
hurt yes, but I didnt cry.
I have no idea why i just laid in bed last night and stared at the ceiling for the next 5 hours.
Luckily, Clinton talked to me on the phone last night.
He made me laugh till peng.
Like one mad woman and he like one mad dog.
We had one of the funniest conversation ever.

After he hung up, i kept thinking about all my friends.
My usual group of besties in school,
my group of die-hard-never-leave God bros.
& my clique of guy friends that i keep slacking with.

I'll push on, I know i will.
For them, and for myself.
I'm hurt, but it doesnt really matter now,
cause I've got them.

LOVES;
YUKI.

Pain isnt a Stop button.
It's a Go button,
a button to press on and move ahead.
There's always gonna be sunshine after rain,
but first, I've got to fight the rainstorm before I'll see a sunny tomorrow.

I wont sit back and rely on others,
I will keep pushing on,
one day, he'll be out of my mind, my heart,
and their thinking will no longer matter to me.
I'm still me afterall...

2009-06-14T01:28:00.003+08:00

Quiz Time.

Went blog reading.
Came across Chung Kuan's blog.
Got Quiz to do,
and he say anyone bored can do it.
So i did..
Cause I'm bored,
and I want to keep my mind off stuff.

001. Real name →Wee Rong Ting, Yuki(Though not included in IC, but parents recognises it.)
002. Nickname(s)→ Alot.
003. Zodiac sign → Aries.
004. Male or female → Female.
005. Elementary → Qifa Primary.
006. Middle School → New Town Secondary.
007. High School → I'm not there yet, but hoping to get into Ngee Ann Poly.
008. Hair color → Brownish black...? LOLS.
009. Long or short → Long...
010. Loud or Quiet →Usually quiet, but when with certain friends, rather noisy.
011. Sweats or Jeans →Jeans, but must be skinnys, or mini jeans shorts.
012. Phone or Camera → Phone duh.
013. Health freak → Definition? I dont care about my health.[[: Hygiene yes, health... Whatever.
014. Drink or Smoke? → Both.
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → No.
016. Eat or Drink → Drink.
017. Piercings → 3.
018. Tattoos → Nope, but intending to get 3.

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ Duh, if not how to go back taiwan?
020. Been in a relationship → Yes, and most of it really really sucks.
021. Been in a car accident → Yes, three times.
022. Been in a fist fight → Many times...

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing →When i was in primary 4.
024. First best friend → Toh Xiao Fen.
025. First award →Ballet competition when i was 5.
026. First crush →Jia Ying.
028. First big vacation → Definition of big?=.=

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Kok Ban kor, WeiJie kor, and Uncle Clinton.
030. Last person you texted →Wei Jie kor.
031. Last person you watched a movie with →Dont want to say...
032. Last food you ate →Cookies i guess... LOLS. night picnic=.=
033. Last movie you watched →Does it matter, i dont want to remember anyways.
034. Last song you listened to → Tank's 全世界都停电
035. Last thing you bought →Alot of things? Lols.
036. Last person you hugged →Uncle Clinton i guess.. That stupid dare.=.=

FAVES:
037. Food →Alot, but only when I'm in a good mood.
038. Drinks → Alot of sugar drinks.
039. Clothing → This, i swear is a STUPID Qn. The clothings i buy are the clothings i like.=.=
040. Books → I have no idea... I don't really read books at all.
041. Music → Songs that are nice... and songs that fit my mood at that time.
042. Flower → Jasmine flowers and Roses.
043. Colors → White, Sky blue, Brown, Orange, Yellow, Black, and Grey.
044. Movies → Movies craze=TONS of fav movies..=.=
045. Positions → THIS IS SUPER SUPER STUPID!
046. Subjects → Chinese.

IN 2008..... I
047. [ ] kissed in the snow
048. [ ] celebrated Halloween
049. [x] had your heart broken
050. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone
051. [ ] someone questioned your sexual orientation
052. [ ] came out of the closet
053. [ ] gotten pregnant
054. [ ] had an abortion
055. [x] done something you've regretted
056. [x] broke a promise
057. [x] hid a secret
058. [x] pretended to be happy
059. [x] met someone who changed your life
060. [x] pretended to be sick
061. [x] left the country
062. [ ] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
063. [x] cried over the silliest thing
064. [x] ran a mile
065. [x] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
066. [ ] stayed single the whole year

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → Nothing.
068. Drinking → Nothing.
069. I'm about to → Cry.
070. Listening to → Tank's 全世界都停电 and the fan.
071. Plans for today → Nothing... Do the same things over and over again.
072. Waiting for → Myself to forget him.

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → Dont know anymore.
074. Want to get married? → Dont know anymore.
075. Careers in mind → DJ, ecologist, geographist, cook? or maybe even better... an IDOL! LOLS, i can dream on.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL?
076. Lips or eyes → Both, duh. hahas.
077. Shorter or taller? → I have no idea... medium??? LOLS.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Romantic is sweet, Spontaneous is cute.
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → Both.=.=
080. Sensitive or loud → Both.=.=
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship... DUH!
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Trouble-maker. Cause I am one.[[:

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → No.
084. Ran away from home → Yea, loads of times...
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → Yea, i guess 3 times...
086. Killed somebody → No, duh! stupid qn.
087. Broken someone's heart → Guess so, but my heart's been broken more times then compared to i break another's.
088. Been arrested → Yes. For stupid things.
089. Cried when someone died → Yea...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → Not anymore.
091. Miracles → Abit i guess.
092. Love at first sight → Yea...
093. Heaven → Yes..
094. Santa Claus → Uhm, huh?
095. Sex on the first date → WTF? NO!
096. Kiss on the first date → No, definitely no.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Regretfully... yea.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → No. not at all.
099. Do you believe in God → Yea.
100. Did you answer all of these truthfully?→ Damn honest.=.=

2009-06-14T00:01:00.004+08:00

Next step ahead..
But, I'm afraid.

The fourth day without you.
& also our supposed-to-be 1 year 4 months.

What's happening to my family nowadays?
My parents aren't talking to me,
and my whole family seems so stranger-like to me.
Who are they, really...
Are they the one changing,
or am i the one changing?

What's this strange feeling that i never felt before..
Guilt, sadness, fear, anger, regret, lonely, ostricised, misunderstood...
Did it happen before...?
I think it did,
but why is it so different this time round...

I can't find any way to make this pain disappear...
I just keep trying to run away..
But no where i run to seems to help take away all this pain.
What exactly is going on here?
I'm scared!
I swear I really am...

Why is the world crashing down suddenly..
It came too fast,
I can't react fast enough to hold it back up again...
He's gone, they're strangers,
I'm tired, I'm scared, I'm lonely, I'm stress,
Where is he, where are they...?

Every night, I sleep at 5-6am.
Everyday, I wake up around the same time...
8-9am..
But I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling...
Half asleep, half awake...
Whenever someone enters the room,
I'll close my eyes and pretend to be asleep.
By 12+ nearing 1,
I reluctantly get out of bed,
trying to prepare myself for the war ahead..

I wash-up, bathe.
Wait for someone to ask me out.
If someone does,
I'll leave house and meet that someone..
If no one asks me out,
I'll stay home and watch the same drama shows over and over again.
By evening, I'll be slacking with my group of friends.
By 11, I'll be home.

Enter my room, sit there and wait...
If my bro isnt using the comp.
I'll use it.
If my bro is..
I'll wait till no one is in the living room,
and I'll go there to watch the same dramas over and over again.
At the same time,
I'll sms WeiJie, Montano, and Uncle Clinton...

Day in, day out...
I play the same songs over and over again.
I watch the same shows over and over again,
I do the same thing over and over again,
I meet the same people over and over again,
I play the same games over and over again.
I force my tears in, and my laugther out, over and over again...

I'm tired,
who's going to help me...?
Who's going to tell me what's wrong..?
I keep telling myself one step at a time,
but each step I take,
I feel like I'm taking a step back...

What is happening to me...?
Was i really this weak before?
Maybe i was,
but i never realised it for he was always there,
they were always there...
Now, my friends all keep trying their best to make me feel important...
But I really cant deny the fact that I'm still really scared...

I dont want to live on weak anymore...
I want to be who i used to be...
But this time... Without him, without them...
I've got to move on,
but every step i take,
it seems as though I'm taking one step back into the past hoping I can hide the fact,
and one step forward into isolating myself from the world.

Where are you when I'm needing you the most?
You promised you'll never leave me alone to face the world,
you said you'll walk through everything with me...
But why you'd become the reason that's holding me back from moving forward?
Somehow, I dont even have the courage to take a single step at all.
All i do all day,
is keep repeating what i did the day you left me,
the day my parents and i had the huge quarrel.
Hoping that nothing worst then that would happen...

I'm scared...
I keep telling everyone that...
I want to turn timr back...
I keep praying to God that he could help me...
I'm really really hurt,
I keep feeling that...
But nothing ever changes...

I'll...
still keep pushing on...

LOVES;
YUKI.

PS:我好想你，
我的心很痛。
为什么爱我的人就不能是你？

Tank-全世界都停电

连你都会残忍隔绝
我的心能要谁了解
眼中烛光摇晃着熄灭

为何把我推向边缘
被砸坏了的一切
卡住了我
让我无法往前

囚禁在距离笑声最远的房间
单独隔离
寂寞地盘旋

全世界都停了电
全世界都封了街
我所有窗子外面
被贴上黑夜

我呐喊思念
却没人听见
绝望到极点
剩的是疲倦

全世界都停了电
全世界白雪满天
才发觉在我心间
有回忆碎片

一做梦翻身
就刺痛流血
我卷着身体
缩成一个圈
像一个句点